Random Thoughts

Huge Drama!

2012-01-27T14:30:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned yesterday, I was headed out to pick up cheesy ziti for dinner. Mission accomplished. I got it home and went about fixing myself a plate as there’s always enough for several meals in the container. I left the plastic bag used to tote the food home in on the counter while I stashed the leftovers in the refrigerator six whole feet away.

That fast Beau was up on the counter and got his head through the handle of the bag. Oh yeah, you can imagine what happened next. He panicked and took off running. Harry, who is petrified of rustling plastic since he was tossed away in a bag as a baby kitten, was in the dining room and instantly decided Beau and the bag were out to get him.

Okay, picture this. Harry screaming, racing in terror up two flights of steps until he hit the attic window and couldn’t go any further, Beau following along in a blind panic, bag around his neck tangled in his legs, me calling for him to stop, Kya and Quinn coming along behind, snickering since they’ve both been in Beau’s position. Yes, they all manage to do this once and then they learn not to poach the bags.

In the attic Harry was arched on the windowsill, making noises that belong in horror movies, not coming from a cat, threatening violence to all so I backed away to search for Beau. I found the bag snagged around the leg of a table that’s stored up there. Beau was way in the back, huddled between boxes where I couldn’t reach him, terrified. I’m sure Harry’s vocal emissions weren’t helping matters and nothing I said or did could coax him out. And of course, Kya and Quinn were still laughing.

After maybe fifteen minutes of failing to retrieve Beau and calm Harry, I gave up and went back downstairs. I’d lost interest in dinner by then so after a few bites I put the rest back into the container for tonight. Never a dull moment at my house.

Happy Weekend!

Odd

2012-01-26T13:35:00.000-08:00

I was out and about today after work, doing this and then when something dawned on me. Howie smells like crayons again. He did when I first got him. And then it wore off. Then he did again. And it wore off.

I can’t tell you how many times this has occurred. Or why. But it suits him so I think it’s kind of cool the way he does that. I'm sure it's yellow flavored crayons I'm smelling. What? You didn't know crayons have flavors? Sheesh. I thought everyone knew that! Time for you to go out and get a brand new box and sniff them.

Well, I’d like to stay and impart more wisdom but I’ve decided I need ziti so I’m off to the corner. If you're in Reading tonight stop in and join me.

If You Can Read This, You Have a Strong Mind

2012-01-25T14:30:00.001-08:00

Well? Can you read it? I can!

It's Begun

2012-01-24T14:39:00.001-08:00

Earlier this month, Reading swore in a new mayor. The last post he held was that of city council president. During his reign, he went out of his way to ensure that council was as resistant to everything and anything the mayor attempted to do. Or that’s how it appeared from my outsider’s point of view.

So now he’s mayor. What’s one of the first things he does? Pulls a stunt over the weekend that can do nothing but alienate city council. He’s instated a gag order on all city employees that, if violated, could result in the culprit being fired. None of them can discuss anything with any sort of media personnel without the express consent of the brand new communications director. Of course, exceptions will supposedly be made for the city auditor, city clerk, city council to a certain extent, and some things concern the police and fire departments. The new mayor claims his new policy is to form a mutually beneficial relationship with the media and keep citizens well informed but it seems that is in question.

Why? Well, until last weekend the position of communications director didn’t exist. The mayor created it all by his lonesome and appointed a part time, temporary staffer of his choosing. The problem is, as I understand it from this morning’s radio broadcast, that the city charter prohibits any new positions to be formed without the involvement and approval of city council. The member of council who made that statement, yes, to the media and, just my guess here, without consent of the communications director, is verifying that with the charter board so I’m sure this story will be continued tomorrow. I have the impression that such a position would need to be applied for with resumes and qualifications reviewed though that is just another guess from a tidbit I heard on the news.

Yep, silly me. I thought that perhaps this mayor’s formerly be one of the council might make a difference and things could begin to improve around here. Wrong!

Trapped

2012-01-23T14:38:00.000-08:00

I got out of my car at work this morning to the sound of a kitty crying. And crying. And crying. It was close but not that close so I started looking around. There’s only one other vehicle in the lot at that time of day and I was afraid he’d run over one paw or something, trapping the poor cat beneath the tire. So I slide all the way around the truck, dreading but looking anyway.

Nothing. Then I was afraid the cat had crawled into the engine to get warm and was stuck. I was about to call the truck’s owner to come open the hood and help me look when the cat cried again. It wasn’t coming from the truck.

So I called it. It cried. I called it. It cried. And then I looked up. Poor baby was perched on top of the pole at the edge of the lot. An old phone/electric pole. On of the thin ones that’s been there so long the top is rounded.

It turns out the kitty had been there since 8:00 last night. In the rain. Authorities had been called and no one was willing to help it. The best anyone could do was the Animal Rescue League who said call back at 11:00 AM. If it’s still there, they’ll help. My question is why wait so long? Are they hoping the poor thing will be so exhausted it falls on its own? Or so tired it won’t fight when they try to get it?

I’m told that the ARL did finally appear when it was confirmed that the poor thing was still up there. They got the electric company out with one of their baskets to help. It was snagged, hissing and complaining, and taken off to the ARL for safe keeping. Hopefully, it’ll decide it likes being warm and dry and adjust so it can be adopted.

I’m very happy they came because I spent the day envisioning it giving up and toppling off the pole. And no, this isn't the kitty but it gives you the idea what it looked like.

Wisdom According to Harvey

2012-01-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

One Year

2012-01-22T08:17:00.001-08:00

It’s been a year since my great aunt, Irva died. In some ways, it’s still as hard and hurtful as it was on that day. She was one of a kind, a truly great lady in all nuances of the word. There will never be anyone like her.

All my life, no matter what was going on, I knew, without question or doubt, that Irva was proud of me. She was happy to have me in her family. Even when she had no option but to say no to one of my schemes, she did it in such a way that I knew she was still with me. She was funny and smart and classy with a devilish streak in her that showed in the least expected moments. She was strong and full of quiet determination. She was my Irva and I adored her.

She’s the only person who has read ALL of my books. Yes, even the first ones that are decent stories but so disastrous they should never see the light of day. She encouraged me in unimaginable ways. And supported me whether I was writing about kittens or bondage sex.

There are memories we made that are just ours, that no one else knows of since we’d sneak off on occasion and have adventures on our own. They’re the most wonderful memories! But today, they are also the ones that hurt the most.

Irva is in my heart so I know she’ll never be gone entirely. Only she’s not here and I miss her so tremendously. I wish you’d known her. It would help to be able to talk to someone who did. But there’s no one so here I am, on my own, fighting hard not to so terribly sad because I know she wouldn’t want that.

Chaos!

2012-01-19T14:03:00.000-08:00

Releasing in print on Friday! Chaos is the second book in my Cosmic Connections series. It’s more fun if you read Questing first but it’s not really necessary. I have to tell you this couple may be the most entertaining of all my characters. They were a blast to work with. They argued inside my head the entire time I was writing their story, causing lots of laughter at the most inappropriate moments. It’s been some time since I’ve read this so I may curl up with the kitties this weekend and read it while it rains. Join me!

Blurb -

When Shane McKade wakes up, trapped in bed, handcuffed to his brand new cousin-in-law, all he’s interesting in is getting them free so they can indulge in more mind-blowing sex. The woman aggravates him no end when clothed so better to keep her naked.

Alyssa Campini couldn’t agree more. Ever since she spent time on the street, capturing young gang members on film, McKade has been a thorn in her side. His only redeeming feature is that he comes through on his promise to deliver twenty four orgasms in twenty four hours.

Things get complicated, however, when Shane is shot protecting one of Alyssa’s gang kids while she’s off photographing tornados with a team of storm chasers. With their lives at stake, both are forced to reevaluate just what it is they really have together.

Excerpt -

The clanking of metal against metal shattered the early morning silence. Shane McKade felt the stiffness in his shoulder and the pressure on his wrist as he tried, unsuccessfully, to lower his arm.

A feminine groan, followed by an extremely unfeminine string of obscenities, came from beneath the covers next to him. “What the fuck are you trying to do, McKade, pull my arm off?”

Shane’s brown eyes locked with luminescent green. He muttered his own set of obscenities. “Campini? What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was sleeping until you so rudely woke me.”

“This isn’t happening. I must be dreaming. Yeah, that’s it. I’m dreaming.”

“Why?” Alyssa Campini glared at him. “Is finding me in your bed so repulsive? That’s not what you implied last night.”

“Yes. No. Damn! I don’t fucking believe this.” Shane managed to sit up, relieving some of the tension on his shoulder.

Alyssa squirmed upward to face him. “What, exactly don’t you believe? The fact that we ended up here at all or the fact that I didn’t slink off during the night, as I assume, from your reaction, your other partners do? In case you haven’t noticed, that was impossible but if me being here annoys you so much uncuff me and I’ll go.”

“Uncuff you?” he said with disbelief.

“What?” she demanded, scowling.

“Me. Uncuff you. As in, you didn’t grab the key last night with the cuffs.”

His words sank in. “Where is it?”

“Over there, on the dresser, with my badge and cell phone.” He pointed to the other side of the room. “And, for reasons I’ll never understand, you weren’t happy to hook us to just the bed. No, that we could have managed. You just had to be thorough and loop the cuffs around the pipe too.”

“Why is that pipe there anyway?”

“It’s an old building, who knows?”

“Well? What are you going to do?”

“What am I going to do?”

“Yes, you. You’re the cop. Do something!”

“I’m the cop?”

“You know, McKade, this habit you’ve developed of repeating everything I say is getting old. It’s not helping. Can’t you pick the lock somehow?”

“I could if I had a paperclip maybe. We’re in bed, Campini.”

“I know where we are. Don’t you have something in your nightstand you can use?”

“I doubt it but shift your arm this way as far as you can and I’ll look.” Alyssa pushed her hand behind the pipe in order to give him as much leverage as she could. “Nothing.”

“Where’s your gun? I thought all cops slept with their guns under their pillows.”

“You watch too much TV. My gun is locked in my gun safe where it belongs. What good would it do us anyway?”

“You could shoot off the link between the cuffs.” Shane stared in disbelief. “Come on, McKade. Do something! You’re the cop.”

“You keep saying that like its significant. Yes, Campini, I am a cop. That doesn’t make me Houdini. You’re a photographer. Why don’t you come up with something?”

“Argh,” she growled in frustration. “This is all your fault!”

“My fault! You’re the one who snapped on the cuffs.”

“Well, you sure as hell didn’t stop me! In fact, you didn’t seem to think any of this was such a bad idea last night.”

“Yeah, well, it was different last night.”

“Why?” she demanded hotly.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was the romantic feel of the entire day or the moonlight on the patio while we were dancing or that you looked so soft and feminine in that dress.”

“Oh so that’s why you started kissing me.”

“No, I kissed you to stop you from biting my head off every other minute.”

“What’s your excuse for bringing me here?”

“Lust? Why did you come with me?”

“Your kisses had me hot. I wanted you. When I want someone and he’s willing and unattached, I see no need to be shy.”

“You, shy.” he snorted. “Now that’s a laugh.”

Sometimes...

2012-01-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

I Was Bad

2012-01-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

Or perhaps I should say I am bad, since this is an ongoing thing.

People, as we all know, don’t like being told no. Especially not the people whose duty it is to make those annoying, harassing phone calls. You know the ones I mean. The ones where, once told no, the people calling can become abusive and sometimes downright ugly.

I work in an office. Part of my job involves answering the phone and dealing with such calls. Due to the nature of my employer, I get more than an average share of such calls. I don’t appreciate having strangers swear at me so I’ve developed an alternative to saying no.

There’s a meeting room next to my office which is unoccupied more often than not. As soon as I identify a call as one that could turn nasty, I very pleasantly and politely say, “One moment please,” and proceed to transfer them to the phone in the empty room. You’d be amazed at how long some of those people will wait before giving up. Yes, sometimes they call right back. When that happens I tell them the person they are seeking must have stepped away and cheerfully offer to try again before sending them straight back to the same extension.

This, to me, is the perfect solution. While giving the impression of being very helpful I manage to frustrate them and entertain myself. What could be better than that?

Questions...

2012-01-16T14:29:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I was reading a book I wrote several years ago. It’s a sequel that is as yet unpublished. Unsubmitted, in fact. The characters have been whispering in my head recently so I decided it was time to look at it, to determine how much work it would take to make it ready for public consumption.

The good news is I still like the story. A lot! And the characters. The bad news, not that I’m sure bad is the correct word here, is that the characters contain way too much me. Even though all my characters in all my books are me in some form or another, I’m not entirely certain I’d be comfortable sending this pair out as is. I know, doesn’t make much sense and I don’t know quite how to explain it so that it does.

So I’m wondering. Am I just being paranoid? Would people who don’t know me extremely well have any clue how much of me is in them? Would anyone care even if they did figure it out? And why does this one bother me when none of the others have? I just don’t know. Nor do I know if I can revise things enough to calm me without damaging them.

I do believe the story would be worth it. I’m simply not positive I’m capable. Sigh.

Some Days are Like That

2012-01-14T10:18:00.001-08:00

Happy Weekend!

2012-01-13T15:47:00.000-08:00

Today's Rant

2012-01-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

As a general rule, I make an effort to have patience and be polite with people I encounter throughout my day. At least until they give me solid reasons not to be. However, I’m seriously considering making a change to that policy.

More and more, individuals standing in front of me are beginning conversations with “I need.” My reaction to that has always been “no.” Previously, I’ve given them a gentle reminder and the opportunity to rephrase their request. Now, it’s happening so often that my response is rapidly changing to an emphatic “HELL NO!” Along with a fear-for-your-safety-back-away-and-proceed-to-the-nearest-exit-with-all-due-haste glare.

When did all semblances of pleasantries and consideration vanish from our existence? Is it asking too much for an individual to offer some form of greeting prior to making demands on me? Or to say “could I please have” or “would you mind” instead of “I need”?

Apparently, it is. Perhaps it’s time for me to remind people that I have a sharpened pencil and I’m not afraid to use it.

A New Lodger?

2012-01-11T14:20:00.000-08:00

I was working away at my desk today when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked, expecting one of the resident squirrels, only to spy the hugest opossum I’ve ever seen.

It was sauntering happily around the yard, sniffing, digging up tidbits the squirrels have stashed out there. I thought it was going merrily on its way when it climbed up the fire escape and strolled across the roof next door but it came back. It wandered around the yard a few times, hopping up on a wall to have a drink. It then curled its tail around some dry leaves and scampered up a tree to get to the porch where it seems to have been starting a nest in the built in cabinet. Amazing how agile it is considering it looks fairly elderly.

Sadly for the possum the cabinet is now closed tightly and so far it hasn’t managed to reopen it. There are plenty of other nooks and crannies in the neighborhood where it could take up residence. When I left it was sitting up on top of the third floor fire escape next door so perhaps it’ll spy something it likes. We really can’t have it living on the porch but it would be pretty cool to have it swing by and say hi now and then.

Today's Tidbits

2012-01-09T14:49:00.000-08:00

It’s Monday. Full moon Monday and I sure could tell today. People were weird. No, not me. Of course not. I’m never weird. Well, never any weirder than I normally am so you can’t tell full moon by my behavior. Hahaha!

It’s Farm Show week. And not snowing. Something dreadfully wrong with that. It always snows Farm Show week. Surprisingly, I’ve never been there. From what I understand it’s kind of like a huge fair. Only an hour away, free admission to the show and just $10.00 to park Hmm, perhaps I should sneak off for a day and go. I wonder if I could manage to have everyone thinking I’m really at work, just between buildings for an entire day. Nah, probably not. Too bad. I’d like to go but I don’t think badly enough to invest a vacation day in the expedition. Got better things planned for them.

I want a cat. The one that came in out of the storm. She’s still in need of a home and she is very, very sweet. And darn cute! She talks and none of my current kitties do that. I asked the ones who let me live with them and they said no but I’m not quite ready to give up yet. After all, I provide the food and that should give me some leverage. Shouldn’t it? I suspect they're hoping someone else will come along and adopt her before I push the issue.

The movie, The Mission, showed up here on Saturday. I suspect Beau ordered it because I sure didn’t though I have heard the soundtrack is great. Tried to watch it last night but I couldn’t. Kept getting distracted. By the soundtrack!

Did you see the urban mansions on yahoo today? If I were wealthy beyond reason I'd probably be off choosing one instead of rambling at you. They are amazing. No, I don't really need all that space and I could really care less about being part of that level of society but the materials used and the craftsmanship are incredible. I'd wander around in awe. And ooh, if I had one of them then that would eliminate part of the kitties' argument. But even though they could have three rooms a piece I still bet they'd all pile on top of me to sleep, just like they do now.

I have a dilemma. I want to write something new but the characters in the books I’ve already written but not revised in order to submit them have me feeling guilty for neglecting them. What to do, what to do?

My Nights

2012-01-07T17:29:00.001-08:00

I dreamed again
Summoning the demons
The creatures from beyond
Heavily fanged with curved razors for claws and eyes that glint with evil
They broke free as they tend to do
Slicing their way through the shielding walls of my mind
The swath of destruction they cut – unmatched by anything of this realm
They roam your plane
Killing all who attempt to stand in their way
Leveling a path
Leaving nothing living in their wake
They hunt in packs
Flushing out their prey
Slaughtering at will
Yes, I bring them
But do not assume I am unscathed
I am their portal to your world
And though they need me
I am not protected
Every coming leaves me more tattered, more damaged
And soon my mind will splinter
Rendering me useless to them
They will open me up once too often
And I will be broken beyond repair
Beware that day for when it comes they will be trapped here among you
With no means of calling them home
Live now in your happy ignorance while you can
Soon enough reality as you know it will cease to exist
Darkness, unabating terror will reign supreme
And no one, no one will be spared

Visiting...

2012-01-04T16:10:00.001-08:00

The wonderful and talented Natalie Owens invited me over to her blog today. Please click here to stop by and say hello.

Today's Lesson - For My Buddy, Jake

2012-01-03T14:28:00.000-08:00

Rutabagas. What? You aren’t sitting there, dying of curiosity about these veggies? Well, perhaps you should be. After all, you never know when such tidbits of knowledge might come in handy.

Rutabagas are commonly confused with turnips. It doesn’t help that they are called that in some parts of the world but I assure you, they are related but not at all the same thing. Turnips have been around forever and even grow wild in some cooler places in the world. You may want to study their leaves so you can identify them should the possibility of you being stranded in the wilderness exist. Rutabagas are a cross between a cabbage and a turnip that appeared around 1620. No, don’t ask me how that’s possible, since the two aren’t similar. It worked and I’m certain you can find all the gory details if you’re truly interested.

Turnips, when mature have edible foliage, bright purple tops, white bottoms and are two to three inches in diameter. They take roughly eight weeks to grow. Rutabagas also have edible foliage and purple tops, though the purple is darker. The bottoms however, are yellower and the bulb is larger, three to five inches.

Rutabagas are all-purpose vegetables. They can be eaten raw, on salads or sandwiches, roasted, fried, bakes, broiled or boiled. They can be mashed alone with salt, pepper and butter, or mixed in with mashed potatoes or even with carrots for added color.

Growing them is easy. Sow the seeds after other veggies are harvested, thin the plants to four inches apart and ignore them. Greens should be harvested when they’re about six inches tall, best when boiled with bacon bits and topped with butter. Rutabagas can be left in the ground long into winter as long as the patch is covered with a layer of protective hay during the coldest times.

So there you have it. Not something you necessarily wanted to know but not a bad bit of information to have.

Mmm...

2011-12-31T14:17:00.000-08:00

There is very powerful magick swirling through the air today. Feel it. Open your hearts and share this with me. Happy New Year, dearlings!

And I Repeat...

2011-12-30T13:27:00.000-08:00

I know I’ve mentioned this before but I feel it bears repeating. It’s about this little thing called gravity.

Gravity – noun. The force of attraction by which terrestrial bodies tend to fall toward the center of the earth

So what does this mean? It’s really very simple. Things that go up come back down.

For example, shooting off a gun that is aimed toward the sky will release a bullet, propelled by the force of the gun powder. It will eventually slow until there is an infinitesimal pause after which the direction is reversed and the bullet plummets back to earth, picking up speed as it goes.

I don’t know about where you live but here in Reading those that utilize firearms as noisemakers have already begun practicing for New Year’s Eve. Which means it’s beginning to rain bullets. Now I wouldn’t have a problem with this if those pulling the triggers could manage to shoot skyward in such a manner that would ensure the bullets would fall directly back on to them. Yep, I’d have no problem with that. Shooting and having the bullets land helter skelter, perhaps on my head? No, not so much.

Have some sense people! Tell your neighbors to have some sense! Tell perfect strangers to have some sense! I have things to do in the upcoming year and getting shot by a stray bullet fired by an idiot is most definitely not one of them.

Happy New Year! Be safe. Be happy. And be an adventure!

Per Wednesday...

2011-12-29T12:57:00.000-08:00

White and yellow, yellow and white
Mutant flowers, beware they bite
Running through the stems and petals
Wicked poison in leaves it settles
Surround the house, fill the fields
With these deadly posy shields
Love me, love me not
Pick my daisies and you will rot

The Silence

2011-12-28T14:30:00.000-08:00

Drowning in a sea of my own darkness
The buoy of hope slips from my grasp
I am sinking
Deeper and deeper within
Back beneath the impermeable layers
To where I am unreachable

Looking up from the bottom
Of the smooth-sided well
I wonder how I ever made it out before
The climb –
So Steep
So Slippery
Light so very high above

I’m tired
Too tired
To even try
For I know my strength is lacking
And I’ll never make it that far again

Not as I am…

Alone in the silence

© Barbara Huffert 2011

New Project

2011-12-27T14:40:00.001-08:00

This is what I worked on over the holiday weekend. It's very difficult, harder than other patterns I've tried but I think it'll end up being worth it.

Interesting Quote

2011-12-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

"The end comes when we no longer talk with ourselves. It is the end of genuine thinking and the beginning of the final loneliness. The remarkable thing is that the cessation of the inner dialogue marks also the end of our concern with the world around us. It is as if we noted the world and think about it only when we have to report it to ourselves."

- Eric Hoffer

My Sort of Christmas

2011-12-24T14:04:00.000-08:00

When I was a very small child, four at most, I learned that I was expected to react in a certain way when opening gifts. No, sorry. I still can’t explain exactly what that entails. All I know was I never seemed to get it right on my own.

As a matter of self-preservation, I began opening my gifts ahead of time in order to attempt to come up with the proper response when viewing them publicly. I would slice the tape, unfold the paper, have a peek and then tape them back up again. Sometimes I got it right, sometimes I didn’t. But trust me, any single one I did correctly was a very good thing.

I credit this for my lack of gift wrapping ability now. Oh sure, I can reassemble with the best of them. But starting from scratch, all on my own, not so much.

Have a great holiday everyone. May your memories of it be a gazillion times happier than mine.

How About This One?

2011-12-22T16:17:00.000-08:00

Blah

2011-12-21T14:33:00.001-08:00

I’ve never done very well with holidays but this year seems particularly tough.

There’s some stuff going on around me that has me preoccupied. And it’s the first year without my great aunt. It’s really hard to convince myself to feel festive. I think I’ll keep to myself for a bit so I don’t put a damper on anyone else’s spirits.

Merry Christmas all. Sad as I am you’re still in my thoughts. Be safe. And come get an ultra-cute kitty!

I Have Bed Warmers!

2011-12-19T14:18:00.000-08:00

I put the flannel sheets on yesterday. I know, amazing, right? I figure it’ll push back the need to turn on the heat a little while longer.

Anyway, I made up the bed and went about my day. A few hours later I wandered upstairs to put away the laundry only to discover lumps in my formerly smooth covers. It seems Kya and Beau like the flannel sheets. They spent the entire day burrowed to the bottom of the bed.

I had to literally go get them when it was time to eat. And then, within the hour they’d both vanished again. When it was time for me to go to bed they were nice and shifted over to make room for me. My toes were instantly warm and toasty!

Remember the cat who came in out of the storm? Her kittens are now 10 weeks old and ready to go home. There are six, five females, one male. Four have various amounts of black and white, two are gray tiger with white. All are extremely sweet and so cute! If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll put you in touch with their foster mom. Just think. You could have a pair of furry bed warmers too!

Ick

2011-12-15T13:31:00.000-08:00

The Story Behind the Story

2011-12-14T14:38:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest things about writing is that you can work emotions out of your “real” life. In a productive, non-harmful way. A few years ago I tossed my ex, later to discover one of the things he’d stolen from me was my late father’s canoe. Which I then passed on the street one day, on top of someone else’s car. I came damn close to doing something incredibly stupid, turning around and going after it. But I didn’t, mainly because by the time I’d gotten turned around they would have been long gone. Instead, I ended up at home, bitching about it to some writer friends. Who instantly told me to use the anger and write something.

The result was Hot Rush. And yeah, in case you’re wondering, the ex in the story ends up in jail, with his buddies and the heroine gets her canoe back. Mmm, what an adventure she has in the process of doing so!

Blurb –

Rick Jensen is working undercover to bust up the largest drug distribution in the city’s recent history. Everything is going as planned until the hottest redhead he’s ever seen comes storming into the warehouse. Now if only he can stop thinking with his cock long enough to save her luscious ass and convince her that love at first sight really does exist.

Being sentimental has always been Casey Carmichael’s downfall. But this time her impulsiveness lands her right in the middle of a full contingent of heavily armed drug dealers. When one of them tosses her over his shoulder and carries her up to the office the last thing she expects is out of control sex with the undercover cop trying to protect her.

Excerpt –

“All right. Where’s my fucking canoe? I want it and I want it now!”
A second before the screaming started, the door banged open to reveal the most furious redhead Rick Jensen had ever seen. And the most weirdly gorgeous in a he-couldn’t-put-his-finger-on-it-and-now-wasn’t-the-time-or-place-to-analyze-it way, too. Who the hell was she and what the hell was she doing, barging in on a full contingent of armed drug dealers in their lair as they were preparing for one of the biggest distributions they’d put together in months?
“Come on, I said now, damn it!” the woman screeched.
And more importantly, how the hell was Rick going to keep her alive long enough to get her out of there without blowing his cover or the operation, which was the culmination of many months of hard work by multiple organizations all coming to a head hopefully that night?
All eyes and most guns turned to the woman. Rick heard the clicks, signifying that they were ready to fire even if she didn’t. He had to draw their attention away from her.
“Hey, darlin’. I thought I told you not to interrupt me when I’m working.” He put himself between her and the array of weaponry, turning to face the room. “It’s cool, boys. She’s mine.”
The spitfire wasn’t having any of it and tried to shove him out of her way. “Yours? Ha! You wish. Look, all I want is what I came for and then I’m outta here.”
“I dunno, homes. It don’t look like it to me,” one of the armed men said, not lowering his gun.
“She’s just pissed. Come on, Lucy. Don’t do me like that. You’re gonna make me look bad in front of my boys.” He grabbed her hair, forced her head back and planted a wet kiss on her startled mouth.
The slap that followed earned a round of boisterous laughter and lewd comments but it also managed to get the men to stow their weapons. “Don’t you ‘Lucy’ me!”
“Feisty bitch,” Rick declared before kissing her harder. “Look lady, I’m trying to keep your sweet ass alive here so work with me, would ya?” he whispered so only she heard.
“Huh?”
“She always gets this way when she’s gone without for too long, don’t ya, darlin’?”
Before the woman could respond, the obvious leader asked, “What’d she say about wanting a canoe?”
Rick forced a chuckle, all the while racking his brain for something plausible. “Oh that’s just what she calls my cock.” Not the best answer but hopefully the men would buy it and she’d play along.
“Fuck, like you got something like that,” another joined in.
“Tell ’em, Lucy.”
“What? Are you out of your mind?”
“Only when it comes to you.”

The Best Ever!

2011-12-12T09:25:00.001-08:00

I was out for lunch the other day. An Irish pub with the nummiest stew imaginable. Which had a light, flakey incredible crust on top. Oh yeah, was it delicious.

And then, as I was throwing in the towel, about to burst Tommy, wicked, wicked man that he is, comes over and asks if we saved room for dessert. Apparently one of the other pub employees has started her own bakery and provides them with weekend sweets. This week’s was dark chocolate mint cake. Like there’s a chance in hell I’d turn down a taste of that!

Being stuffed to the gills, the friend I was dining with and I opted to split a piece. Oh. My. God. There are no words to describe how good it was. So good it would be illegal in at least seven states. Probably more. The cake was moist and rich, dark chocolate. And the icing, of which there was a lot, had mint so fresh it cooled your tongue. To say the least, mmm!

Next time, I asking about dessert and probably having it first!

The Things You See...

2011-12-08T17:15:00.001-08:00

I was out and about today. Yeah, I know. Sometimes it might be better if I'd just stay home. Especially during full moon.

The first thing I stumbled across made me giggle. See the image to the side. Nuff said, right?

Then there was the man in the Laundromat. He came in, two new looking baskets stacked together, containing a small amount of wet clothes. Nothing heavy, like towels or blankets. Nope, just average clothes. He split the items between two industrial sized dryers and started one. Then he switched his attention back to the baskets, separating them and restacking them with the bottom basket now on top. Remember, identical, new looking baskets. Hmm. Okay, back to the unstarted, fully functional dryer. This I know for certain as I had witnessed it being in use less than ten minutes prior. He yanked all the clothes out, shoved them into the dryer on the opposite side of the one already tumbling, started it, grabbed his baskets and out the door he went. Into the minivan and he was off like a shot. Um. Explain please?

Next we have the girl with the fuchsia hair. Waist-length, dyed, clearly her own, somewhat straggly, bright fuchsia hair. Under which he was wearing a matching bright fuchsia jacket. Which camouflages the hair, making it difficult to see without taking a second glance. I don't get it. Why dye her hair such a noticeable shade and then attempt to conceal it? Wouldn't you wear something contrasting to really show it off? Or, if it's that bad, why not just dye it some other color? Nope, don't understand that one at all either.

And we won't even get into the ticket machine that starts yapping as soon as you get close to it, demanding you feed it money which, once you do, literally makes chomping sounds.

At least no one licked any walls today. But I wasn't at Panera so who knows.

Today's Lesson

2011-12-05T14:23:00.000-08:00

Spice vs. herb. Do you know the difference? Well, there is one!

Herbs are leaves of plants that do not have woody stems. Generally, herbs come from temperate climates and can be used either fresh or dried. Got it?

Okay, now spices. They are obtained from either woody or non-woody plants, are always dried, and are everything other than the leaves. The plants typically originate in hot, tropical climates.

So parsley sprigs are an herb and cinnamon is a spice. But there are some plants, such as coriander, that qualify as both. The leaves, more often called cilantro, are an herb whereas coriander seeds are a spice.

Any questions?

Ta Da!

2011-12-04T11:43:00.000-08:00

It's finished! Designed by me and I must say I'm extremely pleased!

Happy Weekend!

2011-12-02T16:31:00.000-08:00

Gotta knit. Hopefully, I'll have a pic of the finished sweater soon!

New Veggie!

2011-12-01T17:51:00.000-08:00

I tasted something new today. A Sprouted Split. What the hell is that, you ask? A new fangled pretzel manufactured right here in good old Reading by the Unique Pretzel Bakery.

Sprouted Splits are made from whole grain that was “sprouted” before turning it into flour. Nope. Not a clue how exactly that works though I’m sure it’s something that could be discerned, should you be that curious.

Why would you want that? Apparently, being sprouted makes the pretzel digest as a vegetable instead of carbohydrates as in pretzels made from traditional flour. Hmm. So now pretzels are equivalent to veggies? Wow! I can’t wait ‘til school lunch planner here about this one.

But I digress. In addition to being made of sprouted flour, the only ones currently in mass production, they are also the only ones manufactured with olive oil, and extra virgin, organic oil at that. If you’re interested they are high in fiber and contain no sugar additives. Which, now this is merely a guess, means they are healthier snacks than standard pretzels. Cool.

Oh wait. How do they taste, you wonder? Why, like pretzels of course. Silly!

Long Day

2011-11-30T14:59:00.000-08:00

I had to go to a CPR/AED/First Aid training for work today. Yeah, I know. But it ended up being a lot of fun. The instructor was great. It was, naturally, an extremely hands on training. But the instructor designed the course to also be very interactive and I work with some awesome people.

Oh, no. Don’t misunderstand. I still feel that a few hours training every other year does not qualify me to take someone’s life in my hands. Sure, I’ll call 911 and stay around until the paramedics arrive but don’t expect much more than that. Defibrillators terrify me so the odds of me ever attempting to use one are next to none. And you already know how I am with monitored breathing.

I do have a question though. Why do they call the practice dummies Anne and then neglect to give them breasts? Shouldn't they come in a variety of shapes and sizes to imitate lifesaving situations as realistically as possible?

I'll leave you with that thought in your head. Gotta go knit!

Deep Thoughts

2011-11-29T14:24:00.000-08:00

“Life is a prison that we carry around with us. The key to happiness is to make your prison as big as the whole world.” ~ Lance Cheuvront

Read it again.

Now think about it.

Yes, very profound. And something with which I agree completely. Now the secret, or perhaps challenge would be a better word, is to go about doing so.

I’ll need to think about this some more.

Meanwhile, back to knitting.

Pure Idiocy

2011-11-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

I went out to reclaim my emptied recycling bin Saturday morning only to find my neighbor standing on the sidewalk shaking his head. When asked what was wrong, he merely pointed at the car across the street, in front of Howie.

Both passenger side windows were broken out. The car belongs to the neighbor on the other side, an 83 year old woman. There is no way that she has done anything to provoke anyone in order to be deserving of this.

He went on to point to the brand new car on our side of the street, parked in front of his truck. The whole driver’s side and hood were scratched up. It belongs to the harmless people on the other side of the woman next to me.

Then he gestured at the SUV behind his truck. It had two stabbed tires. Tires that I later learned had been put on all of a week and a half ago. That vehicle belongs to the man on the other side of him.

Howie and his truck were very fortunately spared this senseless violence. This time. I know it’s wrong to judge people without bothering to know anything about them but I must admit that I seriously dislike whoever did this.

Did You Know?

2011-11-22T14:25:00.000-08:00

Fortune cookies are not of Chinese origin. They were invented in San Francisco in 1920.

Slugs have four noses while an octopus has three hearts.

Shakespeare was 46 when the King James Bible was penned. In Psalm 46, the 46th word from the beginning is “shake” and the 46th word from the end is “spear.”

There are live lobster vending machines in Japan.

Bats always turn left when existing a cave.

Honey is the only food consumed by humans that has been found not to spoil. This was determined when archeologists sampled honey found in ancient Egyptian tombs.

And last, but not least, just in case you still have some space on your Thanksgiving menu, beetles taste like apples, wasps taste like pine nuts and worms taste like bacon.

Happy Thanksgiving all! Whatever you do, enjoy and, if you could, be a little nicer to all you know.

Today's Rant

2011-11-21T14:40:00.000-08:00

I am not a holiday person. I make no secret of that nor do I offer any apologies. I’ve not had good ones so, for now, I choose to pretty much avoid them, though there are those individuals I enjoy and visit on occasion. The same individuals I socialize with on days other than holidays. You see, for me, it’s not necessary for a certain day to roll around in order for me to spend time with friends and chosen family. I adore them all the time.

Today, I was given a lecture on all that I miss by not participating. All the things listed are not things that were ever included on my previous holidays. Seems to me it’s impossible for me to miss something that was never there in the first place.

Family gatherings growing up were not warm and fuzzy events. They were hours to be endured until I could make my escape. Something that should perhaps be learned about me and my past before criticizing me for not rushing to the old homestead bright and early this Thursday morn.

For all of you who do enjoy the holidays, I’m happy for you. The time when I can do the same will come. No, not this year but it is coming. But until it does, stop trying to coerce me into things that aren’t good. And stop putting me down for knowing what’s best for me and for protecting my heart from those who do their damnedest to squash it.

I may be home knitting the sweater I’m working on this Thanksgiving. Or I may venture out to see some of my adopted family. I may cook or I may order pizza. In the evening, I may watch a movie or I may read a book. Whatever I end up doing it will be of my choosing and something I enjoy. As to the rest of it? Leave me alone!

Gotta Knit!

2011-11-17T14:23:00.000-08:00

Running short on time. I’ll be back when I’m closer to finished.

Enjoy!

Adieu

2011-11-15T14:28:00.001-08:00

I am but one in the hoards of many
Faceless and unseen
My ubiquity matters not
Nor does my devotion
I am tossed away like yesterday’s paper
My constancy discarded without a second glance

Who am I to boast such ego?
Average at best
My strength – a chameleon
Always blending in
No special shine of my own
Nothing drawing me to the center
Marking me as worthy
I am but a pawn to be sacrificed at will
A minion, manipulated on a whim

The time to withdrawal, long since passed
I must not, cannot delay
My dalliance must cease
My departure will go unchallenged
My disappearance, unnoticed
For no one relishes my presence
And no one will agonize my absence

Fun!

2011-11-14T14:21:00.000-08:00

I went to the symphony last weekend. I’d forgotten how enjoyable it can be. I used to go all the time when I was young. My string bass teacher was an orchestra member so he always had tickets for his students. Anyway, a friend who has season tickets now had an extra and invited me.

The program included a very nice selection of music. The William Tell Overture, an arrangement of Bizet’s Carmen and a lovely Beethoven. The soloist this month was saxophonist, Gary Louie. Man, is that guy talented! He performed a concerto with a bit of a Russian folk music flavor and it was excellent. He also participated in the Carmen selection.

Something that now happens on occasion is that the Reading Symphony Youth Orchestra joins in for a piece. How cool is that? I wish they’d done that back when I was playing.

The concert was most wonderful! There was however, one tiny snag tot he evening. A steam pipe in the building had broken so the temperature was 92. It was so hot on stage that the men removed theirs jackets. I know. Unheard of, right? Anyway, they opened every door in the place and I think set up fans because it was it wasn’t long before it started feeling better. I must say I was impressed when the center manager made an appearance to explain and apologize especially since the Royals were playing at the other center in Reading. He did offer to return calls personally should anyone care to leave their numbers. You’ll be so proud of the restraint I showed in not leaving mine.

All in all it was a very pleasant evening. Thank you once again, my friend, for inviting me. Going almost has me inspired to get my bass out and play again.

Thank You, Verterans

2011-11-11T16:53:00.000-08:00

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." ~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Customer Service Lives!

2011-11-11T16:48:00.000-08:00

We’re in our benefits open enrollment period at work now. In years past we could log on to a website and make selections ourselves. This year, they decided to change it. We have to call in and make our choices with a representative. We were told the process takes about half an hour.

Um, okay. I’m sure you can relate to my trepidation. Calling in with hundreds of other people has the potential to really suck. First there’s the possible wait time. And then there’s the person on the other end of the line who could be a truly grumpy automaton, making the same speech, hour after hour, day after day, telling people their copays and their rates are going up.

Imagine my surprise when a very pleasant voice, self-proclaimed to be Debbie, answered on the second ring. As it turned out my wariness was unfounded. Debbie was very knowledgeable and willing to share in a manner that was extremely understandable even for someone like me who is admittedly resistant to all things insurance.

Believe it or not, the entire process ended up being fun, thanks to Debbie. And, again due to her patience and ability, I now get some of the big, scary insurance falderal. Yeah, how amazing is that? She didn’t even hang up on me when I touched on the orangutan living within my skull.

The only thing she couldn’t help with was the whole 401K investment hoopla but, during our lovely chat she happened to mention that her hubby is in that field. Too bad she didn’t also give me his number. I sure could use someone like her to explain all that to me too.

Mist

2011-11-10T14:07:00.000-08:00

...Is like catnip to me. Sick or not, I'm going out to play!

Excruciating!

2011-11-09T12:26:00.000-08:00

I was almost asleep last night when my face began to hurt. Ache. Throb. Pound. Exponentially until I thought it would explode.

Still in severe pain four hours later when it was time to get up, I did. Get up that is. Yes, it was as expected. Movement made it worse.

I did my morning chores sans glasses as always, albeit in slow motion. Fighting nausea at the pain the entire time. And then I put on my glasses. Which magnified the hurt as did attempting to make both eyes focus on the same thing at the same time.

Off to work anyway. Hey, you always have to at least try. Did some stuff there. Slowly. Called the doc who could fit me in. Did some more stuff. Even slower. Walked around the corner to my appointment as I struggled to pretend my forehead wasn’t going to blow off with every step.

Confirmed. Sinus infection again. Or perhaps it’s still because I don’t really think July’s and September’s ever truly went away. So now, since I have insurance after a fashion, I’m off to the ENT specialist and then a CAT scan. I suspect they are worried that the baby orangutan who lives in my head has expanded his way into my sinus cavity.

The ultra disgusting medicated nasal spray and equally vile inhaler have him curled in a fetal position, immobile, at the moment. Let’s hope he stays that way so I can be more functional on the morrow. Things to do and all that…

So Tired

2011-11-08T14:28:00.000-08:00

Over the past few weeks, my sleep cycle has become skewed. Instead of sleeping at night, as I usually do, my body now thinks I need to be asleep around 11:00 AM. Very difficult, considering I have a day job.

So I force myself to stay awake all day and to try to sleep at night. The awake part isn’t all that difficult. It just has me very tired. The sleep part, on the other hand, is horrible. When I do manage to convince myself to drift off I slip into the worst dreams.

For weeks now I’ve been awake every night. Either I am simply up because I don’t feel as if it’s time to be asleep or I’ve woken myself, screaming or crying. It’s to the point where I’m afraid to even try to sleep.

I’m back to prowling the house, in the dark. The cats have learned to stay out of my way. They can see in the dark. I can’t. The first night I was up I think I stepped on everyone’s tail at least twice. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing there’s a lot of shooting in my neighborhood now or a bad one. If it were quiet, I’d probably be roaming outside too.

I don’t know how long it’s going to take for things to shift around to where they should be but I sure hope it’s soon. This is really starting to get to me.

And even though I am that tired I still stopped to vote on my way home. At 5:00 I was 111 out of a potential 798. How pathetic is that? This election includes mayor of Reading, someone who has a direct effect on everyone here. Yeah, just pathetic.

Meh

2011-11-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

Last week I read a recipe at lunch. Cheeseburger tater tot casserole. It sounded really good so when I was at the grocery store on Saturday I gathered up the necessary ingredients.

I made it.

It wasn’t awful but it was no where near as good as I wanted it to be. Thinking on it, I suspect I was hungry at the time I was reading the magazine because really, that is not something I’d normally make.

Some things are better left to the imagination.

Winter Forecasting

2011-11-04T14:03:00.000-07:00

With the end of daylight savings time this weekend and earlier darkness, it’ll seem more like winter even though it’s going to be in the sixties next week and official winter doesn’t begin for another six weeks. I thought, in preparation for this, you might like to have a few winter severity tips.

To gauge the severity of an upcoming winter you must obtain a recently deceased local goose. Extract and study its breastbone. The more mottled it is, the worse the winter will be. If that’s not doable, check your local trees. The more moss there is on the south side of the trunk, the harder the winter will be.

Pay close attention to squirrels. The deeper they bury their nuts, the colder it’s going to be. And fruit trees blooming twice in one year is a sure sign that the upcoming winter will be a bad one. I wonder if that carries over to strawberries. I picked a mess of them last month so if it does, we’re in for it.

For short term weather forecasting, watch your cat. If it sits with its back to the heat source then the weather will turn cold. Um, still haven’t turned the heat on so I can’t do test this one. Also, if your cat is extra frisky, a storm is coming. Yeah, that one I can agree with. Beau and Kya were insane last Friday and Saturday before the snow. If you don’t have cats, you can use the moon instead. If there’s a ring around the moon, count the number of stars inside it and that’s how many days it’ll be until the next precipitation. If the moon has two rings there will be snow within 24 hours.

For long term forecasting January is the most important month so keep this in mind. The first twelve days are said to predict the weather for the next twelve months. For a precipitation forecast cut the tops off of twelve onions. Scoop a little spot in each center and fill it with salt. Line them up in an east-west orientation between 11:00 PM and midnight on New Year’s Eve. Check them in the morning. The more water in each onion, the wetter the assigned month will be.

Unfortunately we’ve missed out on one of the snowfall prediction methods but you can try it next year. Count the number of foggy mornings in August to determine the number of snowfalls.

The next two are really contradictory if I use our first snow. You can either count the number of days between the first snow and Christmas or the number of days it snowed after the last New Moon. It snowed on the 29th. So we’re either having 58 snows or 3, depending on which method you believe. Yeah, I’m not so sure about that choice.

Happy Weekend!

Howie!

2011-11-03T12:53:00.000-07:00

Howie needed to be inspected so I scheduled him for yesterday. I arranged for Riley and hubby to collect me and didn’t give it much thought. Not until I was merrily on my way. In the dark. The very, very dark. As in at one point absolutely no lights. None at all. Total darkness in an area where it shouldn’t be.

Uh oh. I never even considered that Howie’s caregivers may not have power. I hadn’t heard from them. Yeah, that thought was followed instantly by the realization that all the information was more than likely in their computer system and, without power, irretrievable. I kept going anyway. Good thing since as soon as I crossed the major highway right before the place there were lights on everywhere.

With the inspection I also asked them to replace the wiper blades as I couldn’t see out at times and an interior bulb as I couldn’t see in at other times. They called right after lunch. Howie was all set to go.

Didn’t need anything. New wiper blades in place. And the bulb? There was a note. The light fixture was set to the wrong position to turn on when I pushed the remote button. Yep. Good thing I'm cute.

I'm Tired

2011-11-02T16:03:00.000-07:00

So how about a pretty picture instead? This was the view outside my window at work all summer. How’s that to brighten my day?

Warning!

2011-11-01T14:46:00.000-07:00

Beware of black licorice. It can be very harmful to your health. Stop that. I’m extremely serious here.

If you’re over 40 it has been shown that eating as little as two ounces of black licorice a day for at least two weeks can cause your heart rhythm to become so irregular you need hospitalization.

According to the FDA, eating an excess of the sweetening compound derived from licorice root, glycyrrhizin, will cause your potassium level to fall dramatically. In addition to abnormal heart rhythms this can cause high blood pressure, swelling, lethargy and even congestive heart failure.

The FDA and various medical journals have reported that potassium levels will generally be restored when the consumption of black licorice is stopped.

There is also a notice that black licorice can interact with certain medications. If you’ve noticed physical changes and the only difference is you’ve been snacking on licorice you really should mention your fondness for the candy when visiting your doctor. Oh yeah, quit eating it!

Yarn Possibility #1

2011-10-31T14:38:00.001-07:00

The first sample is tested. Fine for a hat but not so much for the sweater I am searching for. On to the next…

It Did!!!

2011-10-29T16:33:00.000-07:00

Let It Snow!!!

2011-10-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

Today, it’s 50 and sunny. Blue skies with just a few swirls of clouds drifting by. A close to perfect fall day.

It’s going to be the same on Sunday.

Saturday, however, is another matter entirely. It’s going to snow! Lots! In October!

A super early Nor’easter is on the way. It’s supposed to hit in the wee hours, starting as rain mixed with snow, ending as heavy snow. Depending on which forecast you heed the prediction is 3-6 inches, 5-8 inches or 6-10 inches with visibilities of half a mile or less.

I can’t wait! Hey, it’s not going to last. The temperature here has been in the 60’s most days this week so the ground is too warm for it to stick for real. It won’t hang around and make parking a nuisance. It’ll just be pretty and white and fluffy, blanketing everything in a hush for a few hours.

Yes, I know that an early season wet storm such as this has great potential for damage since there are still plenty of leaves on the trees. Branches could break and cause power outages. I sincerely hope not much of that happens but as to the rest of it, I am going to enjoy it. I might go for a walk with my camera or I may just stay in and knit while I watch it snow. Either way I intend to have a wonderful Saturday. I recommend you do the same!

Today's Lesson

2011-10-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

Earthworms. I can hear you asking “Why?” Stop it! My question to you is “Why not?” They are an extremely valuable natural resource so take a minute and learn about them.

First of all, they do not come to the surface when it’s raining to avoid drowning. They come out because it’s easier to move from point A to point B, where the tastier morsels are, by slithering across the ground rather than grinding their way through it. And when it rains, they don’t dry up while doing so. Kind of clever of them if you think about it.

The myth that a worm will survive when chopped in two is only partly true. Or, depending on how look at it, partly false. The front half can regenerate if there is a large enough portion. The back will always perish so don’t chop worms you find in your garden in half. Let them reproduce on their own! A pound of red worms will double in number, 1000 breeding to 2000, in a matter of weeks so there’s really no need for you to mess with them.

Some trivia. There are roughly 180 different varieties of earthworms burrowing around North America. The majority of which are descendants of European worms that came along with plants that were tucked away in the hulls of ships. So worms came over on the Mayflower and are original settlers, just like Pilgrims.

Rich farmland can support up to one million worms, while poor only a quarter of that. You want as many as possible since worms are so beneficial to soil. Their waste contains all sorts of good nutrients and their tunnels retain water so plants of all kinds love them!

Worms generally live one to two years though some make it as long as eight. Um, sorry. No clue how they know that one. Common red worms grow to three to four inches. Earthworms reach eight to ten. The US Giant Palouse can get up to two feet long and the South African Giant can grow to be 22 feet. Yes, that’s right. Twenty-two feet! Now I do try very hard not to toss any night crawlers when I’m weeding in my yard and I always “plant” any leftover worms after fishing but I sure hope I never encounter one of them.

There. Now you know too. Aren’t you glad you read this?

Stay Awake

2011-10-26T14:08:00.001-07:00

I’ve been dreaming again. Not good dreams. No, these are the kind that feel so real they leave me questioning whether or not they actually happened and out of sorts forever after waking.

The other night, people were trying to kill me. Nothing new in that. I’ve had the same unknown individual attempting that for years now. Let’s hope I never pass him on the street because I would not remain calm. But this dream was different. This time there were multiple people, including friends, wanting me out of the way in order to get to Beau. It seems they’ve finally realized just how powerful and wondrous his magick is and decided to have it for themselves. Hmm. Okay, kill me if you must but please don’t hurt Beau.

Then last night, I went visiting in my sleep. I thought I’d drop by and surprise some friends. Only, since I wasn’t expected, they didn’t know me. Yeah. Talk about upsetting. Now it’s stuck in my head that I can never ever make any unannounced visits. Ridiculous, I know but now that it’s out there it won’t go away.

I can’t ever decide which is worse, waking up screaming or waking up crying. Either one leaves me off balance. I’m once again afraid to sleep. So. Who wants to keep me company tonight?

Over

2011-10-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

I’m fading
Like moonlight in the dawn
My spark burns out
Leaving my soul
Full of
…nothing

The river of my heart
Once overflowing
With love
And hope
Trickles
And dries
…to dust

Laughter rings no more
Joy leeched
From my very being
What remains
A hollow, empty shell
That was once
But will never again
Be
…me

Go Read!

2011-10-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

Busy, busy week this week so I’m not sure how much I’ll be here. So you don’t miss me too much, might I suggest you read one of my books? How about Close to Forever? It’s such a sweet, sweet romance and I just know you’ll love the characters! Here’s a peek…

Chloe ignored her disgruntled instructor’s tactless comment that she wasn’t up to the task and went about the required cleanup without complaint as she had every other class. She was still hoping to speak with him after the others had gone but his friend appeared before everyone else left. In her frustration, she slammed the drawer on the rolling toolbox with enough force to shove it back against the oil drum. The resulting racket drew both men immediately to her side, which left her embarrassed at her clumsiness for the second time in two hours.

“It slipped,” she said hastily as she tried to free her arms from the hands firmly gripping them. “Sorry.” Chloe fought to maintain her smile when she looked up at the scowling face hovering above hers. “Um, could you please let go now?” His fingers tightened. His expression darkened and for one insane second she almost had the impression that he was going to kiss her. “You’re hurting me.”

Marc released her so forcefully that she almost stumbled. His hands returned to steady her even though his features showed he’d prefer to shove her as far away from him as he could. “Damn fool woman! Why the fuck didn’t you do us both a favor and stay the hell home tonight like you should have?”

George was so unprepared for Marc’s fury that his mouth opened and closed uselessly, so shocked he seemed to have lost the ability to speak. His face turned even redder than Chloe’s. It took him so long to react that by the time he thought to step between them it was too late.

“Just what is your problem?” she exclaimed, poking a finger into the middle of Marc’s solid chest. “I closed the drawer a little too hard and it slipped out of my hand. It is on wheels, you do know that, right? So what if it rolled a few inches and banged that barrel a smidge? It didn’t do anything to either, see?” She spun around, angling the toolbox so he could see that there was no damage. “It was an accident! Just an accident so you really don’t need to yell about it.”

Marc’s stony stare hardened. “Lady, you’re a real piece of work. I don’t know if you’re stubborn, stupid or both but whichever it is, it’s way past time for you to wise up here.”

“Marc,” George tried.

“Shut up, Hansen. I’m not finished.” The look he flashed his friend stunned him into silence once again. “You start out by all but keeling over. You spend the next two hours on your feet even though I suggest that you take a seat several times. You refuse to leave when I tell you to like a typical pigheaded, idiot female. And then you go all pissy-bitch on me because I try to keep you from bashing your head on something when it looks and sounds like you’re falling over again.”

“You passed out earlier?” George squealed.

Chloe said no as Marc said yes. “Not really,” she explained. “I had a very hectic day and felt a little lightheaded for a few seconds right after I got here. I was fine as soon as I had a minute. Contrary to popular opinion, I do know my own limits and assure you that had I at any time felt unable to competently participate in this evening’s lesson, I would have excused myself and gone home. I am not a quitter, Mr. Hughes, something I had hoped you might have realized by now. I finish what I start and that isn’t going to change. I have no idea what bug crawled up your high and mighty ass and frankly, I no longer care but nothing you say is going to drive me away from the remaining sessions. You obviously aren’t about to take my word on this so you just go ahead and give it your best shot. Bring it on, mister, but don’t be surprised when it doesn’t work.” When she stopped speaking, Chloe noticed that she was jabbing his rock-hard chest and had been the whole time. She was out of breath and hoping against hope that it masked the way she was shaking. She couldn’t remember ever being so angry in her entire life, which had her fascinated even in her annoyed state.

George used the pause to separate the pair. “Okay, kids, let’s just calm down here.”

He pushed Marc back a few feet with a hand firmly against his side while trying to maneuver Chloe in the opposite direction with a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Take some deeps breaths and relax. You both seem kind of edgy but there’s no need to get carried away. Settle down and then we’ll talk this through. Okay?”

“I know you mean well, Mr. Hansen, but there’s nothing to talk about. Mr. Hughes’ hostility began the first class when I walked in ten minutes, apparently an unforgivable offense in his book. Somewhat harsh in my opinion but he’s the instructor so it’s his prerogative. I’m a big girl and I’ve dealt with worse, trust me. The course is more than half over. I’ve made it this long so I’m sure I can handle it if he’s determined to continue acting like such a big jerk throughout the rest.”

My Last Dark Day

2011-10-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

Things are often not as they first appear…

What’s a woman to do when faced with yet another in a never-ending cycle of anniversaries guaranteed to ruin her day?

Step one, respond when contacted on-line by a friendly couple.
Step two, accept the wife’s claim of the husband’s empathic sensitivities as fact.
Step three, go along quietly when the husband miraculously comes to the rescue just when he’s needed most.
Step four, have the courage to put complete control in his more than capable hands.
Step five, don’t think. Go with the flow. Be open to all possibilities. Relax and enjoy.
Step six, repeat frequently.

Available from Total-E-Bound. Click here for more information.

Haiku

2011-10-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

Black and puffy clouds
Hanging low over my head
Perfect day for me

Go Do Something Memorable This Weekend

2011-10-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

A Cautionary Tale

2011-10-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

Suppose there was once a person who spent many years living with someone very bad. Suppose at one time, said bad individual locked the person in the basement. After turning off the lights. And placing heavy items on the outside cellar door so there was little chance of escape. Suppose, after the person sustained both bodily injury and emotional wounds breaking out of the cellar, the bad individual, upon return several hours later, claimed that it was all a joke.

Fast forward several years, totally different environment. Suppose someone has to go to a basement to retrieve work-related supplies. Suppose a coworker, thinking to pull a prank, locks the door. Suppose a minute later when the door is opened that someone is upset which makes the coworker angry since it was just a joke.

The first situation is not at all in any way, shape or form humorous. Neither is the second. My point? Prank with care. You never know what hornet’s nest of memories you may be stirring up and though the coworker was honestly contrite upon receiving an explanation it doesn’t help re-fade old scars.

Chirp

2011-10-19T14:34:00.000-07:00

Cricket
Chirping in the moonlight
Echoing in the crisp chilled air
Louder now that its time is coming to an end
Full of desperation

Reaching the end of my days
I too sing at the top of my lungs
Tuneless and hollow
My caterwauling fills the void
Calling out for all I’ve lost
All I never found

My heart thuds
Thunder inside my head
Though no one hears
For like the lone cricket
I am the last of my kind
Left alive in the cold bleakness
Of this early winter’s eve

I wait
Hoping against hope
But there is no reply
My tune slows
To a dirge
Soon to be silenced
By the frost
That ices my soul

© Barbara Huffert 2011

Clever!

2011-10-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I got up and did my usual morning stuff. It was an average start to my day. Or so it seemed until I checked my email.

In an account I use for only certain things I found 22 messages. I never have 22 messages there, not even spam. Curious, to say the least. Even curiouser, all 22 were from my phone. The phone that is on my bedside table every night when I turn in. It was there in the morning, just as it should be. Needless to say, I was a tad confused.

And then I read the messages, beginning with the oldest. After opening the first, I got out Beau’s notebook and transcribed them. Yep, the wicked, little guy was at it again. When all was said and done I ended up with two complete pages of what I’m guessing is the first half of a very creepy new tale he’s working on. He’s left things in the Notes folder on the phone but this is the first time he’s emailed me. I must say, I’m impressed. He realized it was too long and would take up far too much room so he solved the dilemma in a very effective way.

When I asked Beau about it, he gave me that cute “Who me?” look of his and scampered off to pounce on Kya. I was hoping he’d finish it up last night but nope, there was nothing this morning. I suspect that is because the house alarm went off as it does at random times for no reason and interrupted his creative flow. Perhaps tonight…

Searching

2011-10-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

I had the coolest teacher when I was in fifth grade. She would let us do extra credit to earn rewards. A sweet treat, being permitted to chew gum in class, a block of time outside to read. The last was always my choice. I did lots of extra work over the winter and spent most of the first days of spring lounging under a tree.

There was a book I read that I remember enjoying immensely. Sadly, the title has escaped me, though I would recognize the back cover if I saw it again.

It was an adventure novel. And a huge book for a ten-year-old, several hundreds of pages. I recall something about a boy going off on a journey to fight battles with a General who happened to be a red ant. There were several other companions with them, critters of various sorts. I know they didn’t return completely unscathed though the boy did return to his yard in the end.

Does any of this ring a bell with you? I love to reread books I enjoyed as a child. Like the Edward Eager Half Magic series. Highly recommended. And so is this other book, if only I can find out its title. Anyone?

Kittens!

2011-10-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

Remember the cat who came to stay during the storm? I visited her and the kittens tonight. She's as purry and sweet as ever. The kittens are too cute! They're still very wobbling, falling all over each other. I'm going to go back to see them again in another few weeks. They'll be racing all over by then.

Anyone interested in adopting, please contact me. They all need homes, including Mama.

My Friend Cutter

2011-10-13T16:12:00.000-07:00

Has a scathingly brilliant idea. Or so I believe. But he'd like thoughts/comments/input. Feel free to post here and I'll make sure he gets whatever you say. Who's Cutter, you ask? What? You don't already know? How can you not? This man is genius. He will one day be THE writer of this era. Below is a note he posted. Please read it and let me know what you think.

Dear Legion of Mad, Creative and Dangerous Friends,

I have a query. I need honest feedback on this, if you would be so kind, thoughts, ideas, and suggestions will be most welcome.

I am thinking about doing a series of one off books. My plan is to buy neat but unusual journal type books, then filling them with original poetry, essays, Haiku, sketches, found objects, photographs, all created by me. Then the idea will be to auction them off on ebay, with the first pages reserved to be customized for the winning bidder. None of the pieces in these will have ever been published, nor will they be ever after so each book will be a work of singular existence.

I will keep copies of all work just to protect myself of course, but if it should happen that I do become famous then these will be something unique to have. I also am willing to do customized books for gifts or to fit a theme with enough warning.

Some of the thoughts I have are I may write poems on autumn leaves, record pieces on cd's then enclose them in the book, add bits of flotsum I find on my travels and just generally make each book as individual as possible.

The auctions would have a minimum bid of probably 25 - 30 dollars to cover my costs and would be signed to the buyer if they wished and sent as soon as the auction was completed.

Thoughts? Ideas? Condemnations? Derision and vehement hatred? Let me know what you think...

Thank you all,

Cutter

Today's Hazard

2011-10-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

Optimism. There’s a study out now that concludes how being perpetually optimistic can be bad for you. Not acknowledging that there is the possibility of something bad going on out there could lead to hasty, harmful decisions.

But don’t feel bad if you’re a Little Miss Sunshine. It’s not your fault. Your brain is defective. Or so the study suggests. When faced with negativity, there is less activity in the frontal lobe in overly optimistic people which causes them not to revise their expectations as much as someone less consistently positive.

In other words, in bad economic times optimistic people are more likely to let an investment ride, leaving them more open to potentially losing everything than someone who adjusts investments accordingly. Or forgetting about safe sex because no way could they pick up any of those nasty diseases out there even when presented with indisputable statistics.

As I see it this just goes to prove that there’s nothing wrong with having a bit of Eeyore in you.

Yesterday, vitamins. Today, optimism. Tomorrow? Can’t wait to find out. Yep, still searching for that sarcasm font.

All My Life

2011-10-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve heard over and over, “Don’t forget to take your vitamins.” Only now there’s a new study that says multi-vitamins with minerals will shorten the lives of women who are of a certain age. But there’s a vitamin formulated specifically for these same women.

So do I take them or not? I haven’t reached the minimum age quoted in the study but I have taken vitamins most of my life. If I stop now am I safe? Or should I take them up until the day before I reach that age? Do they suddenly become lethal overnight? What to do, what to do?

Oh, here’s another idea. Is it a plot, generated by men who statistically have shorter life spans, trying to even things up? Are they paying the vitamin manufacturers to do away with us just because we live longer? Or have the mothers-in-law been getting on the nerves of the CEOs of major companies and this is their way of dealing with them? I’m sure there’s some sort of conspiracy here. I just know it.

Damn, still haven't found that sarcasm font.

Friday

2011-10-10T15:34:00.000-07:00

I took a little road trip to Carlisle. I was told it was my responsibility to arrange for a headstone for my great aunt’s grave. Hmm. Not sure of the reasoning that led to that conclusion but okay, I chose to deal with it.

Before heading off to the marker making folks I had a little wander around the cemetery. It’s the Old Graveyard, owned by the town, full of all sorts of history. I went to see what was there, stone-wise, as I wanted Irva’s to blend in. She was like that in life, blending in, so I thought she’d be most comfortable being the same in death.

What I found when I reached her plot hurt. A tremendous lot. She died in January. There has been no grass planted. The graves of her grandparents, who are beside her, are untended, covered in poison ivy and weeds. Had I known, I would have ventured there sooner and spread some grass seeds myself. Not much I can do about the poison. I get it just by standing in a breeze that has blown over it.

This place is old. Very old. And, with how it’s arranged, I suspect very tedious to tend. Lots of gated areas, raised areas, and old, delicate stones. But it is tended. Or parts of it are. Molly Pitcher. The PA Supreme Court justices. You know, the “important” people. Perhaps my ancestors aren’t as noteworthy as some but we do have a bit of history to us. Irva’s grandmother was the daughter of Brigadier General William Irvine. Before he joined the war effort, he was a doctor in Carlisle. A tidbit of history - Mary Ludwig Hays, better known as Molly Pitcher, actually worked for him. Her husband was part of his regiment.

So then I went to the monument place. It turns out the man running the place was a student of Irva’s. Many, many, many years ago. Yeah, chatting with him was very difficult but I managed. Mission accomplished. Perhaps when I go back to see the stone in place things will be in better shape than they were this trip. Maybe, if I’m not as upset as I was Friday I’ll do some wandering around town and take some more pictures for you. Dickinson Law College, now part of Penn State, is in the center of town and is gorgeous.

Carlisle is a very pretty place. If you’ve never been there you should go sometime. If you visit the cemetery stop by and say hello to Irva. She always adored meeting new people.

Saturday Rant

2011-10-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

"Power returns to city after outage

Power has returned to Reading after a large power outage darkened much of the city for about 30 minutes, according to city police.

The lights went out about 8:15 p.m. and there was no power to most of the northeast and parts of northwest Reading.

Police do not know what caused the outage.

Met-Ed has a Website that shows how many customers lost service and where but the site was down Friday night for planned maintenance.”

This is the article that appeared in this morning’s paper. I looked for it specifically to find out what was going on last night. Yes, I was here in the dark, chuckling at all the people exiting the bar just as the Phillies pre-game show was about to begin. Which means the power went out shortly before 8:00, not at 8:15. More like 7:53. I always check because of the things in the freezer. Force of habit. Before the power company made some changes the electric used to go off all the time. It came back on at 8:48. Yeah, I checked again. Now I don’t know about you but to me that’s closer to an hour than half an hour.

About the rest of the article? Pretty darn useless, isn’t it? I’m so full of confidence at the moment you wouldn’t believe! (Where is that sarcasm font when you need it?)

You may now return to your regularly scheduled activities.

Duck, Duck, Goose

2011-10-07T15:51:00.001-07:00

Taken at Le Tort Park, Carlisle, PA. Happy Weekend!

Hats

2011-10-06T14:15:00.000-07:00

I’ve begun the search for yarn for my next project. This one isn’t going to be easy. The thing is, I know what I want so only that will do. Problem. I’m not sure it exists. But I’m open to possibilities.

One interesting thing I’ve learned since I began knitting again. Yarns which contain wool have a certain level of magic all of their own. From the critters that contributed it. Knitting enhances that.

Sadly, cottons do not inherently have this feature. But cotton yarns, some of them, transform and come to life when you work with them. Yes indeed, they can be spectacular. The tricky part is knowing which will absorb all the magic you have to offer, magnifying it exponentially, and which will remain what they began as, a pretty colored cotton yarn.

This could be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. You see, I’m going to test my possibilities by knitting them up into a very pretty hat pattern I’ve found. So that means come winter, some of you may be getting a hat. Of course how many of you is all contingent on how many yarns I need to sample before I find the perfect one.

Did You Know...

2011-10-05T15:51:00.000-07:00

More births are recording on October 5th than any other day. You know, New Year’s Eve…

Monty Python’s Flying Circus debuted on BBC in 1969. Wow! Pretty racy for then, wasn’t it?

Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald’s was born in 1902. Ew.

So was Glynis Johns, 1923. I adore her! So funny in While You were Sleeping.

“Cat’s in the Cradle” was released by Harry Chapin in 1975. That song never fails to make me sniffle.

Rodney Dangerfield died in 2004. Are you sure? I think I’ve seen him more recently than that.

In 1921 the World Series was broadcast on the radio for the first time. Too bad it made it to TV. If it had stopped with the radio then I could have gone next door for dinner tonight but no, all those silly people think they need to go watch the Phillies vie for a spot in this year’s upcoming World Series.

What Are They Thinking?

2011-10-04T15:55:00.000-07:00

In case you haven’t heard, Nestlé Purina has launched a TV commercial for their Beneful dog food geared specifically for dogs. It’s 23 seconds long and contains a high-pitched frequency similar to dog whistles. It also features some of the sounds made by squeaky toys.

Hmm. Where to begin? Perhaps with the marketing department that came up with the idea? Just a guess but I bet they got paid a heck of a lot to formulate this one. My opinion, and only that, perhaps the money would have been better spent on a free spay and neuter clinic, discounted rabies shots for pets of people who have lost their jobs in these tough economic times or supporting a gazillion animal shelters.

Next. The sounds toys make? Okay, that might probably get your dogs attention. A high-pitched whistle? Yeah, same for that. But so what? What makes them think that just because a dog responds to certain sounds it means that the same dog will a) like a particular flavor dog food and b) be able to convince its owner to rush right out and buy some?

My cat used to love the giggle of the sun on the Teletubbies show but that didn’t inspire me to feed him the pudding they were eating or go out and purchase him all things Teletubbies. All either one means is that animals react to sounds.

Yep, makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Giving Up

2011-09-30T15:44:00.000-07:00

Sitting

Silent tears streaming down my cheeks

Feeling you slip away

Fading to nothingness

Until it’s as if you’d never been there

As if we’d never shared the connection that once bound us

As if our love never existed

I’m an empty shell

Lost again in loneliness

Heart so shriveled

Senses shutting down

I gather what little is left

Struggling to salvage some semblance of me

Then I pause

Wondering why I still bother to fight

Why I bother to try

There’s nothing left

And no one to care

I sigh sadly

Letting the tears flow

And admit I’m not worth it

Not even to me

So I turn and go

Drifting into the void

And though I can’t feel you there

In my damaged soul

I know it’s one last thing that we share

It's Always Something

2011-09-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Last week, I came home one day to a notice attached to my door. A water department inspector had apparently visited and decided the meter inside my house needs to be repaired. I was given two weeks to see to it before they shut off my water.

Hmm, okay. My water usage is read by way of a gizmo located on the outside of my house but I called the number as instructed anyway. Remarkably, I was connected to a very pleasant woman who understood I would not be leaving work in order to deal with this as doing so would jeopardize my ability to pay my water bill. She took all my information, including that I was home early on Thursdays and stated someone would be calling me.

Someone did! Believe it or not, there are two pleasant people working in the customer service center. Located in Philadelphia, by the way. Reading no longer has personnel to deal with such things. She very nicely set up an appointment for me today.

So last night I rearranged things in my basement in order for the repairman to get to the corner where the old meter is located. I got home at precisely three as I said I would and sitting in front of my house was a water department truck with a third pleasant individual! Fourteen minutes later I had a brand new, shiny meter and he was on his way.

All that’s left to do is call the other number tomorrow to inform the inspection folks that the repairs are completed. Then, as I’m sure is the whole point of this exercise, they will promptly begin to charge me the new, higher rate as they’ve been promising to do for the last six months.

Dubious Distinction

2011-09-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

Reading, PA hit the New York Times this week. But not in a good way. The census has determined that out of nearly 600 cities with populations of over 65,000 Reading has the largest share of residents living below the poverty level. At roughly 41% that equates to over 36,000 people. How’s that for sad? Not to mention scary.

One of the largest contributing factors to this is Reading’s dwindling job market. Over the past few years several large employers have packed up and left the area. The powers-that-be deem the area’s lack of education a main cause for why other industries aren’t flocking in, snapping up all the empty manufacturing space that’s available.

There is likely something to that. The national average for people with high school diplomas is 85 percent. In Reading, that amount is only 63 percent. Nationally, 28 percent of the populace has bachelor’s degrees. That figure drops to 8 percent for Reading’s residents. Yes, I can see how that would impact the influx of new industry. Why put a stake in a plant in an area where there is less likelihood of recruiting a qualified workforce? Oh now don’t take that the wrong way. People here are most definitely trainable. If someone is willing to invest the time and money to do it.

There’s a local shelter that reports first-time homelessness is on the increase here. Of the 23 new entries into their facility in June and July of this year, 18 were homeless for the first time. Another cold, hard fact comes from the food bank. Four years ago, they gave out three and a half million pounds of food. The estimate with nearly three-quarters of this year in is six million pounds. In case you’re wondering the total population has only increased about ten percent during that time period.

I’m terribly sorry but I don’t have any answers, easy or otherwise for this mess we’re in. All I know is something has to change. Lots of things. Yes, I know I’ve picked on the city in the past and I’m sure I will in the future but honestly, it is a very pretty area and deserves a much better future than it currently seems slated to have.

Mr. Boots

2011-09-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I needed to veg. As I’ve said, I don’t have any sort of cable service so channel surfing was not an option. Quinn was restless and crawling on me which eliminated web surfing. That left the option of watching some sort of DVD. I wasn’t up for a movie. And I didn’t want anything that required too much concentration.

I don’t know about you, but I loved Dharma and Greg. The first season. Just my opinion but the second and third seasons weren’t as good. So last night I ended up watching the episode with Penn and Teller as guest stars. Penn was a non-entity. Teller however, portrayed Jane’s cat and was absolutely hysterical. Perfect for last night!

Have you seen it? If not, you really should. It’s one of the cleverest things ever.

I'll Write You a Note

2011-09-26T14:51:00.000-07:00

I have a friend at work who occasionally goes to the bank around the corner. Every time she goes, I ask her to bring back free samples. I even offer to write a note, asking them to send back a little extra with her. When she returns, she always tells me that they didn’t have any extra and weren’t offering samples that day.

Today, I strolled over there myself. I was chatting with the head teller and happened to inquire as to whether or not my friend has ever actually asked about getting a sample for me. Can you believe she hasn’t? I know. Neither could I.

I must say that the expression on the teller’s face was priceless as she attempted to determine if I was kidding or not. I guess that’s because that particular branch gets held up several times a year. And yes, it has been robbed by people who do their banking there, without any sort of disguise so it isn’t beyond the realm of possibilities that I was doing the same.

Honestly, I’ve never aspired to be a bank robber. Perhaps in the Old West, before cameras, fingerprinting, and exploding dye packets but not now. Hey, I have a question. When the dye pops why do people drop the bag? They know it’s going to happen, or they should. Why not bring a leak-proof bag and take the money somewhere to launder it instead? I’m just saying…

Linked

2011-09-24T17:27:00.000-07:00

This week's peek comes from Linked, my erotic horror. Throughout the book the heroine, Tori Banks has nightmares which turn out to be real as she's psychically linked to a pair of serial killers. The thing about this book, and why I haven't gone back to reread it, is that all the nightmares in here are ones I actually had. Yeah, makes you wonder, doesn't it?

“I’m Detective Breauchard, Barry’s partner.” He extended his hand and noted both her hesitation and the slight tremble when she finally accepted. “Shall we?” He indicated a nearby table.

“Oh. All right.” Tori looked disturbed by his choice.

Guy let the silence stretch beyond the comfort zone. “I understand you believe you have knowledge of a homicide?”

“I think I might.”

“You might? As in you’re not sure?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

Fighting for patience, Guy made the mistake of glancing at Lana. When he refocused on the woman next to him, he knew she’d seen his date’s annoyed gesture.

“Perhaps you could begin by telling me how you got this information that you may or may not have.”

Tori flinched. “I had a nightmare.”

“Pardon me. I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

“I said I had a nightmare. Of that poor woman getting killed.”

Guy snorted. “I see.”

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Of course I do, Ms. Banks,” he sneered. “We employ a full staff of sleeping witnesses. How else would we ever catch the bad guys?”

“This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.” Tori’s shoulders slumped.

“No, Ms. Banks, what you shouldn’t have done was take advantage of the good woman who befriended you and her family.”

“What?” His words startled her into looking at him.

“What’s wrong? Are you so bored with our little community that you decided to play the psychic and stir things up?”

“I never—”

“Cut the bullshit, princess. This is New Hampshire, not California. Your Beverly Hills drama queen act may do it for you there but here, we have values. We respect honesty, not hyped-up hysterics.”

“Beverly Hills drama queen,” Tori sputtered. “Since that’s where I’m from, that’s what I must be?”

“Hey, if the shoe fits.” Guy watched her features sharpen with anger and saw something in her eyes that made him question his opinion.

“Then that would make you an asshole, Detective Breauchard,” Tori emphasized the French pronunciation of his name. “Since everyone knows the French are all assholes.”

“My distant family is from Quebec, Ms. Banks, but I assure you, I am as American as you are.”

“That may be.” Tori stood and leaned over the table toward him. “But roots count tremendously and Quebec is the next best thing to France. Forgive me for interfering with your evening. I’ll go now and let you get back to your date.”

Guy watched as she mustered her dignity and swept out the door. Anyone watching would see only her grand exit. If Guy hadn’t seen how her hands were shaking and the hurt and sadness in her eyes when she leaned closer to him, he would have believed it too. But he had seen and that made him wonder if her regal behavior as she left wasn’t the true act. If it was then that meant his assumption that she was an attention-seeking lunatic was wrong too.

Nostalgia

2011-09-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I remember my grandfather going on and on about how he had to suffer through All My Children with his lunch every day. My grandmother was accustomed to watching while she ate and didn’t see any need to alter her routine just because he retired.

These two had very mixed emotions when it came to me. He was the sweetest. She wasn’t. And his being wonderful to me always seemed to annoy her. As did my grandfather and I joking about his enforced watching of All My Children. Over the summer I actually watched now and then too so we could talk about specific plots twists.

When my grandmother passed away, he was so in the habit of watching that he continued, even without her there. By that time, he’d decided that Erica was hot so he didn’t want to miss seeing her. I was 21 by then so grandfather and I would meet up for an occasional evening at his corner bar. It always included some time spent catching up on Erica’s latest antics.

Today was the last episode of All My Children. It was on for 42 years. I haven’t seen an episode in ages but it still makes me a bit sad, knowing that something good from my childhood is now well and truly gone.

See the Kitty

2011-09-22T13:39:00.001-07:00

See the kitty. See the kitty being naughty. See the kitty being naughty giving his cute face. See the kitty being naughty giving his cute face because he knows he’s not supposed to claw the carpet. See the kitty being naughty giving the cute face because he knows he’s not suppose to claw the carpet and can tell I’m about to yell. See the kitty being naughty giving the cute face because he knows he’s not supposed to claw the carpet and can tell I’m about to yell to make him quit. See the kitty being naughty giving the cute face because he knows he’s not supposed to claw the carpet and can tell I’m about to yell to make him quit even though the cute face lets him get away with just about everything.

Hey, it’s only carpet. And, don’t tell him I said this, he sure is cute!

Snippets

2011-09-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

I was perusing a magazine at lunch today. Yes, I know I’ve been very remiss in sharing things I’ve found lately. Please forgive me. Perhaps this will make up for it.

Want to learn Spanish without textbooks and boring repetitious drills? Check out Zambombazo! It’s a website set up by a pair of language instructors who decided it would be much more fun learning another language through the use of pop culture. I was surfing around in it and it seems pretty cool. I’m sure I’ll go back to play and yes, end up learning things while I’m at it.

Have you heard what the History Channel did? For some reason, they chose to give Larry the Cable Guy his own show. It’s called Only in America. Um, sorry, I have my doubts on this one. Of course I’ve never been a big Larry fan so maybe I’m being unfair. As you know, I don’t have TV so you’ll have to watch this and let me know if I’m missing something worthwhile.

And last, but certainly not least, a small company in County Meath, Ireland is now marketing canned unicorn meat. They boast “magic in every bite” and an “excellent source of sparkles.” Now, hold on. Don’t kill the messenger. And before you go hunting down the cannery folks, this is the ThinkGeek guys idea of a practical joke. But you really can purchase it for the low, low price of $12.99.

So there you have it. The highlights of my lunchtime reading. Stick around to see what I find next!

I'm So Dumb

2011-09-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

One more thought on yesterday's post. I realized last night that I missed the perfect opportunity while trying to extract myself from the chat with the old man. I should have given him a number. Oh no, not mine. I'd NEVER do that. My mother's, however...

So This Is What It's Come To...

2011-09-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I could hear my newest characters rattling around in my head. But not clearly. They seem to prefer telling their story in public rather than at home. So I looked out at the parking lot across the street. Empty. It was getting to be lunch time and the bar on my corner has decent food so I packed up my laptop and off we went.

For an hour and a half, they chattered non-stop. Great progress was made. Chapter four was nearly finished when they decided I could take a break and have a slice of pizza. Very decent for bar pizza. Cheap but with tons of cheese!

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that this particular establishment is a sports bar. Thirty-plus large screen TVs most of which, as it turned out, were displaying the Penn State football game. As I was sitting there, munching my pizza, checking emails an old man appeared at my side. Truly, I have nothing against old people. There are some I absolutely adore. This one, however, is not destined to become one of them.

He started out by commenting that I finally took a break from my homework to which I replied that I was writing a book. So far so good. He asked what kind. I told him vampires. That’s it. Nothing else. Not a word about the general nature of most of my books. He offered to let me bite his neck. Um, no, thank you. Then he asked to bite mine. Again, no, thanks. I was well behaved. I didn’t point out that it would be difficult without any teeth. Perhaps they were in his pocket? So I went back to my pizza, hoping to end the conversation.

When he shuffled off to the restroom, I took a good look at him. Shorts, hiked up to his armpits, stained cardigan, black socks, white slip-on shoes. Old man bowed legs, hunched over and the kind of face that was so aged I couldn’t imagine what he once looked like. Nothing wrong with any of that but honestly, not exactly what I find physically appealing.

Oh his return from the restroom, he paused again. First he announced he had season tickets to Penn State and would be taking me to a game. Nope. I’ve made it this long without ever watching a football game. I certainly don’t intend to begin now. Next he wanted to know did I come there often. Yeah, he really did ask that. For the record, then line has never, ever worked with me. His third attempt, though more original, did absolutely nothing to further his cause. He said, and I quote, “I may not be able to cut the mustard anymore but I can still lick the lid.” This was naturally accompanied by much winking. Can you say ew?

Yes, I shooed him away without exchanging numbers. But by then it was too late. I had to leave. There was so much hysterical laughter going on inside my head by that point that I knew my characters were done for the day.

Controlled Desires - Snippet #2

2011-09-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

As promised, more Controlled Desires. This is where the similarities between me and the heroine end. My aim is better.

For a week I stewed. I had all sorts of retorts in my mind, should he come into my domain again. No one messed with me in my territory. I’d take care of him next time he was in. Or so I decided without once examining why I was so worked up about it. I’d never got so ridiculously bent out of shape about anything as I had about him simply commenting on my work habits. And a fairly mild comment at that. Then he showed up again and all my put-him-in-his-place plans went right out the window.

My boss was away from the site, due back in an hour or so, and it was way before lunchtime. I was happily singing along with my tunes when I happened to glance up and saw him standing just inside the door.

“He’s not here,” I informed him coolly.

“I know,” he said, steadily approaching me.

“Then why are you?” I asked, frowning.

“Because you need to be taught the value of seeing things through.”

“Oh I do, do I?” I snorted. Who was he to dictate how I did my job? I didn’t care if he and my boss were old buddies. He had no right to step in and reorganize me. Besides, I really did work better when I did several things at once and my boss never had a problem with it. Why should he?

He kept coming. One step after the other. The trailer wasn’t very large but it seemed to take forever for him to reach my desk. Only he didn’t stop on his side of it. No, he circled it. Instinctively, I rolled my chair backward. Shouldn’t have done that because it left him space to stand in front of me. In one swift move he had me yanked up out of my chair, kicking it out of the way and pinning me to the wall. I gasped just as his mouth came down hard on mine.

I’d never been kissed senseless before. By the time he raised his head I couldn’t breathe. I was stunned speechless too, another first for me. My amazement must have shown on my face because he gave me a quirky little lifted eyebrow grin. Before I could collect myself enough to react, he was kissing me again. My hands were above my head, caught by one of his. Damn, they were large! His other had already found its way under my tee shirt. But it was clenched on my side, not on my breast as I expected it to be. As I wanted it to be. I attempted to squirm to get him to touch me. Didn’t work. He had me held fast exactly where he wanted me and I was stuck until he decided to release me. Or move.

I wasn’t having any success, pressing my crotch against him either. God, I needed contact! Only I wasn’t getting it. Anywhere. He had to know I wanted it with how I was struggling. And whimpering. But all he did was kiss me as he kept me firmly in place. On and on he kissed me. Without touching me any more than he needed to in order to hold me still. Then he stopped and stepped away, leaving me panting against the wall, trembling so badly I could barely stand.

“Well, I’ll be going now. I have other things to see to,” he announced blandly.

“Huh? Wait,” I begged.

He paused at the door. “Why? Isn’t that how you do things? A little now, more later?”

Fortunately for him I was still shaking. Otherwise my aim would have been better when I threw my stapler at him. As it was, it bounced harmlessly off the doorjamb just before he chuckled and walked out.

Controlled Desires - Snippet #1

2011-09-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

The characters in this book were very interesting to work with. There's a lot of me in her. However, I have no idea where he came from. I sometimes wonder about that, where some of the things I write come from. Stop back tomorrow to see what he does to prove his point.

My boss was tied up out on the site. He said he didn’t mind. He’d wait. So there we were. Me flitting from project to project, doing a little of this, making some progress on a little of that. Him standing stock-still in all his dark, handsome broodiness, watching, scowling a little more each time I switched. Silent. The more he towered over me, the more nervous I became and the more often I jumped tasks.

I guess it got to be too much for him because he finally said, “Stop.”

“What?” I asked, not really understanding his objection.

“How can you work like that? You never get anywhere with anything.”

“Of course I do,” I explained. “I do a little on each thing and then everything’s done at once.”

“But it would be more efficient to do one thing at a time to completion and then move on.”

“Says who? That’s not how I work.”

“Well you should.”

It was my turn to stare. “Of all the nerve!” He was beginning to piss me off with his high-handed attitude. All right so perhaps he wasn’t the one with the attitude. No, that was me. He was still standing there, immobile, watching in silent recrimination as I shifted screens yet again.

“Nerve has nothing to do with it,” he stated mildly. “It’s what I do.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m an efficiency expert. I get paid to observe and cut out the deadwood.”

My mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. Deadwood! Who was he calling deadwood? Not to mention stupid, which was how I interpreted his comment. “I know what an efficiency expert does. But not everyone works the same way you know. Some of us are perfectly capable of multitasking, no problem.”

“Multitasking is all well and good when it’s called for. You’re just wasting time.”

God, I hated his even, reasonable tone. “Just what business is this of yours anyway? I’ve never had any complaints. Everything’s always done on time. What’s your problem?”

Nothing. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have a chance because that was the second my boss arrived, getting him off the hook. As they were on their way out he looked back over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. Of course I took it as him mocking me. Damn him!

Mighty Quinn

2011-09-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

Today was vet day for poor Quinn. Or perhaps I should say Quinn day for the poor vet’s office.

As you may remember, Quinn is a rescued street cat. He’s very thick furred, velveteen grey and gorgeous. At home, he’s a love. He hangs out with me all the time, snuggling up against me, nudging to be petted, purring constantly. He’s also my official greeter. No one could possibly be coming in to my house for any reason other than to visit Quinn. The only thing is all of this must be on his terms as he hates being picked up or confined in any way.

You can imagine that one tiny quirk makes going in for a check up an, um, interesting experience. Last time I took him, I gave him a mild tranquilizer at home so he’d be nice and mellow for the wonderful people at the vet’s. Hahaha! Didn’t quite work out as planned. His adrenaline kicked in and he went ballistic. Eighteen pounds of claws and teeth, all swiping at once. They wrapped him in a heavy blanket and were wearing thick, leather gloves and he still did some damage in the time it took to give him one shot. This earned him a notation in his chart. “Gets violent.”

So this year the plan was to take him in and let them knock him out after he got there. My part was easy. He’s very curious so all I had to do was fold up a towel and stuff it in the carrier. He went right in after it to investigate and I latched the door. When I dropped him off I asked him not to hurt any of the nice people who were merely ensuring his health and well-being. I suspect getting him out was a challenge but everyone there seemed to be intact when I went back to get him so I guess it wasn’t too terrible for anyone involved.

On a side note, I said hello to the kitty who visited during Hurricane Irene. She’s very, very pregnant but still just as sweet as can be. If anyone is interesting in adopting her or one of her kittens, please contact me.

Sorry

2011-09-14T16:23:00.000-07:00

Ucky sinus infection. Very unhappy. Back when I'm functional. Play amongst yourselves til then. Take notes for me...

Invincible

2011-09-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

I am the keeper of the light.
The guardian of possibilities
Glowing deep within
I hold a flame
That can’t, won’t go out
A glimmer of hope
Flickering in the darkness
Though dim to the world
It is a beacon
To my chosen family
Reflecting untold strengths
Drawing us together
Until we are one
And once we are
We will be a force
So great
The mere mortals
Will cower in our shadow
Yes, come to me now
Add your spark to mine
And become one of us

Blah, Blah, Blah

2011-09-09T15:54:00.000-07:00

I ordered pizza. I don’t want it. Not the pizza that can be delivered. There is pizza I wouldn’t mind having but they don’t deliver. No, I’d need to put my shoes back on and go get it. And then I’d more likely than not lose my parking space.

I should have stopped for salad along the way home. That might have been acceptable. Only it’s all the way across town and on a Friday at 5:00 the traffic isn’t fun. But I may be glad I didn’t because I’m told the salads from the yummy place are shrinking. That’s disappointing.

I’d really like a good sammich. But no one delivers them. Nor does anyone around here make them just now. Unless there’s some place new that no one I know has discovered and told me about yet. Anyone?

I should probably just have had cereal. Can’t ever go wrong with cereal.

Happy weekend all. May your dining choices be less stressful than mine.

Of the Rain

2011-09-08T12:46:00.000-07:00

Jagged spikes of blue-tinged platinum
Pierce the sky
As the echo of nature’s drums
Reverberates across the heavens.
The angels weep with joy tonight,
Their tears flooding
The earth below.
Mortals scurry to and fro
Huddled beneath their illusions of safety.
Hiding
Afraid to be caught in the deluge,
Unaware of the magic it contains.
Look around
If you dare
And maybe, just maybe
You will catch a glimpse
Of the mythical creatures
That dance naked in the rain
Drawn out by the raw power of the storm
Absorbing every drop.
Not quite human
Nor animal either
Something in between
Illusive and beautiful
Rare and glorious
Treasures one and all.
A non-believer you say?
Trust me, you must
Indeed they do exist
I know
For I am one of them

Thunk!

2011-09-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

In case you’ve ever wondered, that’s the sound a bird makes when it’s raining so hard it’s knocked out of a tree and lands on a metal cellar door. I was sitting at work today, doing the things I do, when that very thing happened. Poor critter. It hopped up and huddled on my window ledge for a good ten minutes. I suspect it was a tad stunned and needed a moment to recoup.

It rained harder and longer today than any time in my recent memory. Figures. Last night, I went upstairs to close up the porch and Beau was sitting in the middle of the floor looking up. He was quivering, obviously excited about something. A second later, he dipped his head, shifted and went back to looking up. So I looked up too.

The damn roof is leaking! He was waiting for the drip to play chicken with it. Funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time or it would have been had his entertainment not been caused by water dropping from the inside of my ceiling. He was so upset with me when I chased him out of the way in order to put a bucket in his place.

Fortunately, it’s only a little leak. I haven’t coated the roof lately so I’m hoping that’s all it’ll take to fix it. But of course it’s supposed to rain, hard, for days so who knows how bad it might get before I can deal with it.

The picture? My grocery store is remodeling. They’ve apparently decided to add a moat.

Not Good

2011-09-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

It’s the very beginning of the school year and already things are not going well.

There’s a bus that stops along my way to work. Last year, I had it timed so most days the bus was just pulling out as I was approaching. Sure, every now and then the mom and the bus driver would exchange a few extra words while I waited but on the whole it wasn’t that bad.

Today, I got there and the bus was waiting. Eight minutes later, the bus driver gave up and left without the child. I couldn’t see if the mom came to the door and waived the bus away. If so, why didn’t she do it when the bus first stopped? Sorry, but I think that’s inconsiderate. The bus is there to pick up her child alone. She should either, one, have said child ready and waiting so as not to hold those of us, and the rest of the bus up, or two, be waiting there herself to let the driver know there is no pick up that particular morning.

As you might guess, this was not a good way to start off my day. I don’t like arriving at the very last second for work. I prefer to have a few moments before diving right in. I didn’t today. Yes, I could take a different route to work. Slightly out of my way but not tremendously and I’m sure Howie could adjust since I let him drive most of the time. That, however, is not the point, is it?

Psychpaths

2011-09-05T09:04:00.000-07:00

There’s a new study out there that declares one in 25 company bosses are real psychopaths. Hmm. This one doesn’t apply to my current employer. Nope, my present boss is a true sweetheart.

My last one, however… Ha ha ha! Those of you who know my former boss know exactly what I’m thinking. No, I’m not about to name names here. The article says that these psychopaths don’t feel as you do. Yes, I’d have to agree with that one. They also determined that happy childhoods are what keep them from becoming serial killers. Oh yeah, I can very easily see the former boss as that. Yup, sure can.

Okay, perhaps it would be best to change the subject now. It’s a holiday. I’m off today. Yay! My big thrill for the day? Fixing my vacuum cleaner. No more poofs of Quinn fur all over the floor. I know. I have such an exciting life, don’t I?

Random Thoughts

Huge Drama!

Odd

If You Can Read This, You Have a Strong Mind

It's Begun

Trapped

Wisdom According to Harvey

One Year

Chaos!

Sometimes...

I Was Bad

Questions...

Some Days are Like That

Happy Weekend!

Today's Rant

A New Lodger?

Today's Tidbits

My Nights

Visiting...

Today's Lesson - For My Buddy, Jake

Mmm...

And I Repeat...

Per Wednesday...

The Silence

New Project

Interesting Quote

My Sort of Christmas

How About This One?

Blah

I Have Bed Warmers!

Ick

The Story Behind the Story

The Best Ever!

The Things You See...

Today's Lesson

Ta Da!

Happy Weekend!

New Veggie!

Long Day

Deep Thoughts

Pure Idiocy

Did You Know?

Today's Rant

Gotta Knit!

Adieu

Fun!

Thank You, Verterans

Customer Service Lives!

Mist

Excruciating!

So Tired

Meh

Winter Forecasting

Howie!

I'm Tired

Warning!

Yarn Possibility #1

It Did!!!

Let It Snow!!!

Today's Lesson

Stay Awake

Over

Go Read!

My Last Dark Day

Haiku

Black and puffy cloudsHanging low over my headPerfect day for me

Go Do Something Memorable This Weekend

A Cautionary Tale

Chirp

Clever!

Searching

Kittens!

My Friend Cutter

Today's Hazard

All My Life

Friday

Saturday Rant

Duck, Duck, Goose

Hats

Did You Know...

Black and puffy clouds
Hanging low over my head
Perfect day for me