Payable To...

Why, me of course. Who else would you even consider paying your taxes to on the property you can now acquire on either the moon or Mars? An acre of land on either begins at the low low price of $29.99. What you’ll find later in the small print however, is that there’s a 38.7% tax rate of assessed value on all celestial real estate. In case you’re wondering the value does indeed skyrocket once the paperwork is in your hot little mitts. And that’s before you develop your property! Just wait until you see what the rate goes up to once you start doing that.

And oh yeah, there’s also the monthly maintenance fee that is not optional. It costs more than the land did to begin with, I assure you. Yep, you guessed it. Again, that’s payable to me. Don’t worry. I’ll give you documentation that matches the deed to your property so you can prove you’re paid up on everything and not end up having your parcel repossessed.

Additionally you’ll need to fork over great chunks of cash, ha, me again, for the standard protection fee. You wouldn’t want any intergalactic poachers squatting on your spot, now would you? But we won’t discuss the cost of that now. Don’t want to dissuade you from your purchase. That would kind of defeat things for me.

What? You thought it was really as cheap as the price advertised? Come on. You should know better than that by now. Of course you should also know that you really can’t legitimately purchase chunks of the moon or Mars no matter what the people selling it say so yeah, pay your taxes and other assorted fees to me.