Karma

When I was a small child, pre-kindergarten, I had a plastic turtle. Not only could I pull it around by its reigns, but I could also ride it. And when it was bounced on, it shot ping pong balls out of its mouth.

At the time, my mother belonged to the Junior Women’s Club. They were holding a White Elephant sale and she, for reasons she has yet to explain, decided my most beloved toy of all time, my turtle, should be donated to it. As you might imagine this caused major amounts of heartache and hysteria on my part. So much that my father, who very rarely countermanded her decrees, attempted to locate and reclaim my turtle after the sale, as it hadn’t sold. Unfortunately, it had already moved on to wherever things went. The small child in me has never forgiven her for this.

Last week, my mother phoned and mentioned that she’s undergoing a tremendous amount of trouble with her back, was in extreme pain and could barely walk. She’s been having all sorts of tests, none of which show anything.

We spoke again last night. Nope, they haven’t figured it out yet. She informed me she had to go to the grocery store and was moaning about how much it was going to hurt. I offered to go for her but no, that wouldn’t do. I don’t know what she needs and she was opposed to making a very detailed list.

So here’s my solution. Since she can stand without being in too much pain, I am going to shove my rollerblades on her feet and fashion a harness with which I will tow her around the store like an overgrown pull toy. I will then stuff her mouth full of ping pong balls and when we get to something she wants added to the cart, she can spit one at it.

The moral – never, ever get rid of your child’s favorite toy because if you do, the universal powers that be will sooner or later do something to even things out.

Forgiven?

Nope, not yet.

When I was a very small child, I had the coolest toy ever. It was a turtle on wheels. It had a seat and you propelled it with your feet on the floor, not pedals. Bet you’re wondering why that was so cool, aren’t you? I haven’t told you the best part yet. When you bounce on it, it would shoot ping-pong balls out of its mouth.

I’m not sure if it was the Women’s Club or Junior League, my mother belonged to both at the time, but one of them was having a white elephant sale. Well good old mom decided I would donate my treasured turtle to the cause. Needless to say, I was hysterical. Other than my stuffed bear that the neighbor across the street gave me when I was born, that was my most adored possession.

Nothing I could say would convince her to take all my other toys except for the bear if only she would spare my turtle. I wanted to buy it back at the sale but no, she was having none of that either. Not even when no one else bought it and it was loaded up in the truck to take on to the next sale.

I’ve never let her forget it, that’s for sure. Every argument we’ve had since then has ended with me pointing out that she got rid of my turtle. Yes, that always stops her cold. I have yet to figure out if it was me or the turtle she hated. I suspect it was both.

Oh, in case you’re wondering, I still have the bear, raggedy though he is. I would have the turtle too if not for her.