A Question

Waiting

Waiting

Always waiting

Wondering why I wasn’t enough

Never enough

Disposable

Expendable

An acceptable casualty

Collateral damage to others’ lives

Unseen as I passed

Unnoticed if I stayed

So easily overlooked

Was I ever here?

Some Days Are Like That

I'm searching for a part time job.  I have things that need doing that require income greater than mine.  Necessary things.  Like my roof leaks.  And I'm still not sleeping well due to the hateful light right outside my window which means sooner or later I will be forced to move.  Of course if I do that I suppose I really don't need to can all that much about the roof.  However, I would like to at least break even on my house so I guess I need to deal with the roof after all.

This quest is very depressing.  I had an interview a week or so ago that emphasized just how much more "mature" I am than the folks interviewing me.  When asked what direct experience I had for the type of position they were hiring for I named the store I worked at all through high school and the beginning of college.  Nope, neither individual had heard of it.  Total blank stare.  You should have seen the looks I got when I supplied the tidbit that I had to figure tax manually which required me to actually know what items in Pennsylvania are actually taxable.  If I hadn't been maintaining a professional demeanor I'd have laughed.

Most places don't even bother chatting with me.  I have too much experience for them to believe that I'd work at whatever they're offering.  What they seem to overlook is that I do have that experience so I understand what I'm getting myself into.  Frankly they're missing out on someone, me, who would make their supervisory lives a little bit easier.  Tell me what needs doing and send me on my way.  I'm capable of most everything I set my mind to and not afraid to ask questions if I hit a snag.

All I need is a chance.  So hire me already!

Life Sentence

Winter chill seeps through me
Encasing my heart in an impenetrable vault of ice
No pretty words or grand gestures, a capable auger
Tis the season of death
For me, no more springtimes remain
My hopes, my dreams fell like burnished leaves
Whisked away by gale force winds
Coming to rest beneath unseen trees
Even if I still cared enough to search they’d never be found
My friends once flickered like fireflies on a hot summer’s eve
But they too disappeared with the first frost
My joy, the flower petals of my life, wilted brown and brittle, rotted to dusty nothing
The cold lodged within radiates from my frozen husk holding all semblance of life at bay
My seasons have passed
I am eternally in the bleakness of deep winter

Beware

I’m in a mood. I even brought it on myself this time. I figured it was better to trigger it than to let it sneak up on me. So I read something that I knew would get to me. It worked. A little too well perhaps.

Well enough that I’m now questioning everything again. Mm, been a long time since I’ve done that. For example, do you know anyone who’s honestly happy? Long-term I mean, not fleeting moments of joy. Happy as in is thoroughly pleased with everything in their life, wouldn’t change a thing, all their dreams have already come true. Nope, me either. I can’t even come up with anyone who’s moderately content most of the time at the moment. Content as in no true worries, like could they afford to live through the next week if something major goes wrong.

And when it comes right down to it, does it really matter anyway? In the overall scheme of the universe, that is. No, it honestly doesn’t. Seriously. not much of anything does. There will always be individuals better or worse off than you are and the only person your troubles make any difference to is you. Just like only I care about what’s going on with me. After all, that’s life. Take it or leave it.

Hey, I warned you.