Pure Panic

Mouse had another seizure this morning.

I think he knew he was going to and altered our routine so I would be right there beside him when it started. What I’m not sure of is if he did that for his sake, mine or both. Normally he insists on eating around 4:30. The boys eat. I check my email and read the blogs I like that I know are posted by then. Sometimes I do some writing or edit what I wrote the night before. Sometimes Mouse, Bixby and I go back to bed for our morning snuggle while the little boys hang out on the porch for the birds to wake up.

Today we slept in. I was checking my emails later than normal. Mouse was beside me in the chair as he usually is only today he had maneuvered himself so his head was resting in my palm with my arm wrapped around him. That’s when the seizure hit. He let out the scream that takes years off my life, I tossed my laptop and was on the floor with my upper body holding him in place within half a second.

This one wasn’t nearly as bad as most because he was right there. I didn’t have to first locate him within the house. I know he didn’t fall off of something and smack his head. I didn’t have to crawl under a piece of furniture and yank him out only to discover later that one or both of us was bleeding. I didn’t have to worry about one of his paws being dislocated because his claws were stuck in the carpet as his body twisted violently. I was there with him, calling him name instantly so this seizure was relatively short.

Still, Mouse was no less disoriented when it was over. His eyes were still unfocused. His limbs were rigid. His muscles wouldn’t cooperate. After he comes out of it, he always wants to pace. I walk along with him, supporting him until his legs work. We stop frequently for Mouse to sit down and purr at me. What a sweetie, purring to make me feel better! Yes, I try to remain as calm as possible but the little cat can see right through me.

After an hour or so of that he will finally curl up and cuddle. The other boys usually join us too. Even Quinn came along although he didn’t make it to the bed. That’s when we have story time. I talk. I think it helps soothe Mouse like his purring helps me. Today I told stories about when he and Bix were the little boys and all the things that they did to annoy the older cats I had at the time. I swear I heard some laughter mixed in with the purring several times.

When I feel Mouse truly relax I know it’s time to let go again. It damn near kills me but I know I have to. So I got up and went to work. I was terribly distracted as I’m sure you could have guessed.

One day I know I’ll get home and Mouse will be gone. I’m so very grateful that today was not that day.

Helplessness and Aggravation

First the helplessness...

Last night, Mouse had a seizure. He has them on occasion, not frequently thank goodness. There's nothing worse than being woken by a panicked cat scream followed by the sound of uncontrolled thrashing. Whenever it happens I go from out cold to full alert in a second. I raced up the steps to find my poor little Mouse on his side, legs out straight and stiff, tongue lolling, drool spewing, eyes rolled back in his head, twitching wildly, banging his head against a bookcase. The only thing to do is to move him away so he doesn't injure himself and scream his name until he finally hears me. Then I keep talking until all movement stops. That's when his fear kicks in. He tries to pace but his legs won't support him. He's confused and disoriented but he generally lets me dry his face. For the next half hour I follow him around the house, making sure he doesn't fall, until he settles down and sleeps. Poor thing is so exhausted by then. Me too but I can't sleep. I have to watch over him to make sure he doesn't go back into another seizure when he relaxes.

I don't see how anyone handles this with kids. I have enough trouble with cats who never leave the house without me. How can you stand it when your children go off without you? Mothers (and fathers) have got to be the bravest people in the world and don't get nearly the credit they deserve.

Now the aggravation...

The cable company sent me a past due notice today. You remember them. The cable company that I replaced last month. My bill used to run from the 16th to the 15th. I had the cable disconnected on the 29th. So I paid half my bill. Makes sense, right? Well today I got a bill for the balance due from last month plus the next month's service. I called, pointing out that I had the service disconnected and that I returned the box. The less than pleasant man clerk checked and oh yes that's correct. However I still owe them $4.78. They will credit the balance. I disagreed, explaining that I paid half the bill even though I had the service disconnected a few days shy of half the month. After going around and around for 10 minutes I still have no clear explanation of why they think I owe them anything. Because you do is not an acceptable answer to me. Now I have to wait until next month to see if the statement makes any sense. Somehow I doubt it will. Time to start looking for my bureau of consumer protection forms again.