All In the Name of Health

Warning:  Some readers may find the following content offensive.  If so stop reading although I assure you what I’m about to relate is legit.

Coca-Cola Park in nearby Allentown, PA, home of the Iron Pigs, triple-A affiliate of the Phillies is about to become the first sporting venue in the world to install the all-new “Urinal Gaming System.”  They will be featured in all the men’s restrooms and are purported to show the organization’s commitment to providing “unparalleled entertainment” for fans.

These “X-Stream games” have sensors that switch the console on when a new player approaches.  The user plays by aiming at a screen and advancing through levels on various games that rotate throughout the season.  When the game is over the score will be displayed along with a code to enter into a website in order to see how that participant’s “stream” stacks up against the others’ during the event.  High scores are intended to be flashed in real-time across video screens around the park.  What?  Just the scores and not the actual games?

This fancy new gaming system boasts the feature of being hands free.  Hands. Free. Hmm.  If that’s the case there is no excuse for any man anywhere to miss the bowl ever again.  Sheesh, I was being sarcastic.  I do know that’s not how they are defining hands free in this instance.  Still, any man who partakes of such entertainment really should be able to hit the standard toilet bowl at home.

As I’m sure you can guess there are so many comments rolling around within my mind.  Little boys playing with their penises in public, writing their names in the snow not being enough...  It gives whole meaning to the term “pissing contest.”

Now in the name of fairness, I must include that a local Allentown urologist sees the new games as a way to promote prostrate health.  Yeah, right.

Happy weekend all.

I Suspect

Beau is worried about me.  I've been under the weather this week and he's been watching over me.  Today I was being a lump on the sofa and he returned the Buddha he snatched about seven months ago.  I've been asking for it ever since.  I'm not sure if he thinks it'll heal me or that he wanted to return it while he still could.  Isn't he a sweetie!

The Last Snowdrop

Even Though It's Going to Snow...

Know that spring has made it to my yard.

Now in Print!

Condemned

Book Three in the Cosmic Connections series

Brett Hudson’s life is in shambles. An attempt to deny fate has left him wide open for an unscrupulous pair intent on ruining him completely.

Andrea Sloan knows she and Brett are meant to be together they meet. It takes a while, but finally chance puts her in the right place at the right time to rescue him, then a night of intense sex only complicates things even more.

Now Brett must salvage what’s left of his life and prove himself worthy of Andie’s love before it’s too late.  A little BDSM sex play might be the answer…

Permanent Vacation - FREE!

The ultimate of destinations is now available, all expenses paid.  There’s just one catch.  You won’t be coming back.  Ever.  From Mars.

Mars One is a private spaceflight project headed by Dutch entrepreneur, Bas Lansdorp.  The timing of this project is extensive – the rest of your life if selected.  You can apply to be one of the pioneer travelers this spring with the final four to be chosen by 2015.  If selected, you will spend the next eight years in an extensive training program with your flight out planned for 2022, scheduled to arrive at Mars in 2023.

According to Lansdorp, “The technology to get humans to Mars and keep them alive there exists, but the technology to bring them back does not yet.”

You must be at least 18 years old to apply, no experience or specific skills required.  All training and equipment is included in exchange for your life.  You must be “utterly dependable, good in groups and at your best when things are at their worst.”

Oh and did I mention that you will also become a Reality TV star in the process?  Yes, that is how Mr. Lansdorp and his crew are planning on funding this little expedition.  Don’t expect Lansdorp to join you on the trip however.  According to him, he’s too impatient to fit well within such a small, permanent group and has a “really nice” girlfriend at the moment who isn’t interested in accompanying him.

Tempting as this whole thing is I will be not be applying.  Still, I wouldn’t mind having a Tee-shirt.  If you’re interested go here for more details.

Introducing...

Pandora's Green

While I am plotting I sometimes knit.  My current characters have a thing for hand warmers.  I only need so many for myself so I set up a little on-line store over at Articents.  Interested?  Go here to see what I've been up to.

I Am Angry

For years, I’ve had Verizon Wireless.  Never had any major complaints about them.  Until this last billing cycle.

For reasons known only to them, they are billing me for data charges.  When contacted for an explanation of these charges I was told I accessed the Internet from my phone.  No, I most definitely did not!  I don’t even know how to do so.

I told them that.  Repeatedly.  The response I get now is a step by step set of instructions on how to access my bill, specifically the data charges.  I already know how to do that.  How do they think I realized the data charges are what’s causing the increase in the bill I just received?

I have never, in the three years I’ve had Verizon as my cell provider, been charged data charges.  Never!  I have done absolutely nothing different this past month.  Nothing!  No email.  No games.  No new ringtones.  Nothing.  Yeah, this discussion is not over.

Happy weekend all!

Of Course...

I’m insane.  I’m a writer.  Writers are insane.

How could we not be?  We hold entire worlds within our minds.  Each tale, each idea, each tiny snippet requires a universe all of its own.  Whether we pursue the thought or not, once it’s formed, it’s there.

Ask any writer you know if they can see their characters in their minds as they write.  Ask if they know more about the story than they actually share.

So not only do we have the strife of the world in which we live physically we have all the trials and tribulations of our characters’ worlds rolling around in our heads as well.

Is it any wonder we’re not quite what society deems “normal?”

I Like This

"In happy hours, when the imagination
Wakes like a wind at midnight, and the soul
Trembles in all its leaves, it is a joy
To be uplifted on its wings, and listen
To the prophetic voices in the air
That call us onward."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Frankie

The heroine from my current WIP won't talk to me at home.  She'll only reveal her tale when we're out and about.  Her favorite place to chat is the pub on the corner.  I wandered over today in hopes of progressing the story, intending to have a slice of pizza as we worked.  She however, had an alternate plan.  She refused to speak to me until I ate this entire brownie sundae.  And she made me ask that they add a caramel drizzle on top.  Good thing they know me there and are used to such requests.  Oh, did I forget to mention that it was closer to breakfast than it was to lunch while all this was going on?

Watch

This video and then go do as the very wise man says.

Happy weekend all!

Have You Heard About the Woman...

…from Jonesboro, AR who was arrested last weekend?  Apparently she was a tad intoxicated.

It seems she was going a bit too fast for the curve and ended up slamming into a mobile home next to the road.  And then, having somewhat impaired judgment, attempted to flee the scene of the accident.  In a kid’s battery-powered toy truck that was parked alongside the home.  Fortunately, no high speed chase ensued as the top speed for that model is a whopping 5 mph.

Why she was dressed merely in a sweatshirt was not explained.

Um.  Yeah.

How Time Flies

Six years ago this month my very first book came out.  Deal of a Lifetime with Ellora’s Cave.  In some ways it feels like just yesterday.  In others, forever ago.

Deal of a Lifetime has had mixed reviews.  That’s okay.  My books are not for everyone.  No one’s are.  People seem to either hate the characters or love them.  It’s a psychological bondage tale and yes, the hero is nearly loathsome for the first three-quarters of the book.  You’re supposed to hate him.  But the heroine can see beyond his harsh exterior.  She knows instinctively that things are not as they appear and falls head over heals in love almost from the first moment they meet.  Writing this was odd.  I didn’t know where the book was going as I was working on it.  I too had to trust the heroine, just as readers need to.

Blurb:

Annette thought she had the perfect solution to prevent what was meant to be a pleasant anniversary celebration from deteriorating into a never-ending lecture from her older sister on the sub-standard status of her entire life. Inventing a fictitious boyfriend, reportedly detained in an unavoidable, albeit imaginary business meeting, seemed like a harmless fib if telling it would ensure a festive evening. She even had a plan to cover his exit from her life later on.

Rich’s estranged wife had gone too far this time and he’d had enough. He had no clue what setting him up as another woman’s date for an evening of drinks, dinner, and theater with the woman’s family was supposed to accomplish but he was determined to find out. When his new better half didn’t so much as blink at his unexpected arrival he decided right then and there that he wasn’t letting her out of his sight. He’d play his role of escort to the hilt to get to the bottom of it even if he had to tie her to the bed and seduce the answers out of her once the other couple said goodnight.

Are You Ready?

Hahahahaha! 

A Confesstion

I love winter.  Well, cold weather that is.  Temperatures below freezing with occasional snow to make it pretty now and then is perfect.  I can do without blizzards and freezing rain.

That said, I must admit I’m ready to play in the dirt.  I spent an hour cleaning out one of the gardens I tend a few weeks ago on a sunny Sunday morning.  It’s very sheltered and warms up faster than the rest of the area.  The ground in my own yard is still a bit frozen under the surface to be pulling last year’s plants.  I always leave them for the birds to pick at over the winter, both for seeds and nesting materials.

We’re possibly getting another little dose of snow this week so even though it’s going to be in the fifties this weekend I doubt I’ll be able to do much.  Hmm.  Unless I can find some bushes that need pruning.  It would be perfect weather for that.  And, now that I’m thinking about it, I just might know where there is a butterfly bush hedge that could use some tending.

Wish me luck!

Howie is the Best!

Yesterday after work I had some errands to run, things to drop off.  One of the places I went put me in the same parking lot as Reading’s gourmet cupcake bakery, Sublime Cupcakes.  I sat for a moment, drooling and then had a quick chat with Howie.

Two minutes later I was on my way into the store.  Howie, wonderful, understanding little car that he is, knowing that I never carry any money to work, provided me with the funds to purchase a cupcake.

Today’s choice was snickerdoodle – cinnamon vanilla cake with cinnamon butter cream frosting topped with sugar crystals!  As you can imagine, it was very yummy.

So…

Gourmet cupcake - $2.50.

Having a car that indulges my decadent desires – Priceless.

Happy weekend all!