Friday, March 29, 2013

All In the Name of Health

Warning:  Some readers may find the following content offensive.  If so stop reading although I assure you what I’m about to relate is legit.

Coca-Cola Park in nearby Allentown, PA, home of the Iron Pigs, triple-A affiliate of the Phillies is about to become the first sporting venue in the world to install the all-new “Urinal Gaming System.”  They will be featured in all the men’s restrooms and are purported to show the organization’s commitment to providing “unparalleled entertainment” for fans.

These “X-Stream games” have sensors that switch the console on when a new player approaches.  The user plays by aiming at a screen and advancing through levels on various games that rotate throughout the season.  When the game is over the score will be displayed along with a code to enter into a website in order to see how that participant’s “stream” stacks up against the others’ during the event.  High scores are intended to be flashed in real-time across video screens around the park.  What?  Just the scores and not the actual games?

This fancy new gaming system boasts the feature of being hands free.  Hands. Free. Hmm.  If that’s the case there is no excuse for any man anywhere to miss the bowl ever again.  Sheesh, I was being sarcastic.  I do know that’s not how they are defining hands free in this instance.  Still, any man who partakes of such entertainment really should be able to hit the standard toilet bowl at home.

As I’m sure you can guess there are so many comments rolling around within my mind.  Little boys playing with their penises in public, writing their names in the snow not being enough...  It gives whole meaning to the term “pissing contest.”

Now in the name of fairness, I must include that a local Allentown urologist sees the new games as a way to promote prostrate health.  Yeah, right.

Happy weekend all.

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