Miss August

I did something today I never imagined doing. Not that I have any sort of problem with it, I just saw no point before now. What is it, you ask? I bought a Playboy magazine. Specifically the August issue of Playboy. Why? Because I met the centerfold, Kayla Collins, a gazillion years ago when she was merely a pretty kid instead of the beautiful woman she is today. Okay, so it wasn't that long ago. She's only 21 now so it couldn't have been. There's a picture on her bio of how she looked when I knew her in you're interested.

How? I worked for her dad. I can't help laughing. You see, with how the offices were arranged I was able to hear many of the non-work conversations that took place between the guys back then. Total pigs, the lot of them when it came to this sort of thing. Oh yeah, as bad as they come. I'm sure you know what I mean. We've all overheard such things whether we wanted to or not.

I haven't spoken with him in years now so I don't know how he's reacting to his little girl being the focus of such discussions but I can't imagine it's favorable. I'd heard that he was not at all happy when her tanning poster appeared on the hunting camp wall and that was wearing a bikini. Hm, perhaps there's a lesson to be learned here. Like maybe you should watch what you say about someone else's daughter because one day it might be yours?

While I was at Borders picking up the magazine I spent a moment chatting with the woman having a book signing. At one point, one of the store personnel stopped to join us and she introduced me as another local author. One thing led to another and I ended up speaking with the manager about the possibility of my own signing. Okay quit laughing. I could maybe do it if Dakota flew in to be there with me. Or maybe if I hired someone to pretend to be me for the beginning of it so I could lurk on the fringes until I got over being such a coward. Any volunteers?

At this point it's not an issue. Borders doesn't carry the Bound Brits Anthology. It's not even in their system. The manager explained how I could go about getting it there. That might be my break time project later on. She did tell me to stop back in to arrange something once that's taken care of. I'll have to think about that one.

Tour de France update -
Winner Stage 20, July 26 - Schumacher, Germany

Overall Leader - Sastre, Spain
Cadel Evans is in second

Technically there is one more stage to go but the finishing order was settled today. The last day when they ride into Paris is more of a celebration than a competition. In the 105 years of the Tour it's become tradition to not attack on the last day so the standings won't change unless there's some sort of scandal or a sudden illness that prevents someone from riding the final leg.

Ingrained Response

I was having a discussion today with a rather excitable individual and something I said set him off. The volume went up, the language deteriorated. He was shocked when I took a very noticeable step back. Enough so that he jumped instantly to the erroneous conclusion that I had at some point been physically abused.

For the record, other than an attempted strangling that occurred once and only once, I was not. I can not however, make the same statement about verbal abuse. Without going into much detail because even now talking about it still leaves me too raw, I will say that for years everything that went wrong in the entire world was my fault. Additionally, all that happened was a direct conspiracy against him, my doing of course. Um, no, the truth is if I actually had that kind of power the last thing I’d do is waste it messing with him. Besides, he has so much bad karma the universal powers are already at work taking care of him.

You may notice if you ever read any of my books, there tends to be some exaggerated apologizing. Yes, you guessed it, there is a lot of me in my characters. But don’t all authors do that to some extent? Don’t we draw on what we know and have experienced in order to give life to our stories? Even so, I’m working on that one, both with myself and my characters. I sometimes think I’m making progress. That is until voices are raised for little apparent cause. Then I slip right back into it but that’s what I used to need to do in order to survive. You see, I was never sure if events might or might not go beyond a verbal level.

A couple once emailed that they had a bet on whether or not I was really a woman because she felt that only a man could write a hero that was as cruel as the one in my first book was. They obviously hadn’t even considered the possibility that personal experience made it all too easy. Honestly, I was very glad for that. Anyway, I settled their bet which meant she had to buy dinner but I suggested that he, in return, provide the after dinner entertainment.

Okay, getting sidetracked. I know I had a point I wanted to make when I started. Wait, I know. I wanted to ask you to think before you overreact to a situation. Yelling is fine when it’s justified. But when it’s not, please don’t do it. Your actions may inflict hurt in ways you might never realize because for some it’s very difficult not to take it personally when the only other person in the room is getting loud.

Oh just so you know, I did have a brief conversation with the man I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. He’s agreed to make an effort to remain calmer around me and I’ve agreed to work on not being so overly sensitive.

On a lighter note, I’m guest blogging today over at Night Owl Romance. Stop by if you have a chance.

And on a really happy note, I came home to the perfect card from my sweetheart of a friend, Dakota Rebel. Thanks, D! You never fail to make me smile.

Tour de France Update-
Winner Stage 3, July 7 - Domoulin - France
Overall leader - Feillu - France

A Stinky Surprise

When I was in my teens we had a Scottish terrier named Molly. Being a typical terrier, Molly liked to case small creatures. Her favorite, skunks. I don’t know if she was just dumb or actually liked the fragrance but being sprayed was a frequent occurrence for her. I think the local skunk family used to lay in wait whenever they were bored.

In case you ever need to know, brand name tomato juice works best for removing the smell. Much better than generic brands. Vinegar and water douche also works well.

Once, a few days after Molly had a run in, I was lounging at my boyfriend’s house when my mother called. She had heard rustling under the sink and, thinking it was a mouse, when to investigate. (Mice weren’t unusual guests in the old farmhouse where I grew up.) But what did she find when she opened the cabinet? Not a mouse, that’s for sure. Yep, you guessed it, a baby skunk.

Apparently it had gotten confused when running from the dog and had fallen into the basement through the cat door that was in the window. Again, it was an old stone house so the skunk was able to follow the pipes up through the wall and end up under the kitchen sink.

When I stopped laughing enough to question my mom the first thing I wanted to know was what she did when she saw it. Slammed the door shut. Had it sprayed her? No. What did she expect me to do about it? Help get rid of it. Um, no. Skunk removal was not my thing and I wasn’t about to get into it. I spent the night at the boyfriend’s as I’m sure you guessed.

After much debate it was decided the best thing would be to call the game commission. They instructed her to set up a path from the sink to the outside door so the skunk had a straight shot to escape. Put it in place and then close off the kitchen, the skunk would make its way out after it got dark. Sounds good, right? Only one flaw in this plan. It was a baby skunk who didn’t know it was supposed to wait until dark. Soon as the cabinet door was open, out it came. Fortunately, the she had already opened the outside door. Unfortunately, Molly was still out and it ran right into her. This time however, after spraying her, it ran the right direction and went off I’m sure to tell its siblings of its great success in getting the silly dog twice in one week and its big adventure inside the house.

Stanley Cup update - My Penguins won last night, 3-2! Sorry Dakota but you have to agree it was a much better game to watch with the Pens playing as they are capable of.

Snit Over

Isn’t it amazing how the universe works? As you know, I’ve been out of sorts lately. Severely in need of a laugh. Ask and you shall be provided.

First, I was surfing the groups and read something posted by the beautiful and talented poet, Sayora Poirier. If you haven’t read any of her work, shame on you. Go to MySpace and do so now. Anyway, Sayora posted some quick home remedies on Derek Musgrave’s Portal of Eros, great group by the way. They made me laugh. Here, I’ll share a few with you:

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
2. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
3. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
4. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
5. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Another thing that went a long way to restoring my karmic balance was a phone call I received out of the blue. A gazillion years ago, in a former life, I worked in purchasing and inventory control for a local craft company. I had the best bunch of suppliers imaginable, many of whom have remained friends. I heard from one of them last night. Apparently my name came up and his wife commented that they hadn’t heard from me in a while so he called to see what I was up to. No good as usual, which he was pleased to learn.

Funny thing about this couple. We only met in person twice but I still count them among my friends. No matter how long it is between conversations we can always pick up where we left off. They’re truly wonderful people. I know I could turn up on their doorstep unannounced and they’d yank me inside and keep me for as long as I wanted to stay. Their son got married last weekend and some family is still with them but last night they took a moment out of all the hoopla just to call and say hi to me. That’s the sort of thing that means so much and never fails to warm my heart.

Since I ended up in a good mood after all and since my wonderful writer friend Dakota was nice enough to supply me with the information I requested, I did some shopping. Her birthday is coming up and I can’t resist sending her a little something that I know will make her chuckle. If you have a minute, stop by her blog. She has one of those cool counters that is counting down to her day. There’s another one marking time until her next book release so you know exactly when to congratulate her.

1-800-FIX-ROAD

I heard on the radio this morning that it's pothole season again. Gee, I didn't know it had ended. I think in Pennsylvania it's kind of like daylight savings time...it gets longer each year.

The report went on to explain why we have so many potholes forming out of nowhere. It's partly because of the weather. Apparently the temperature drops and rises, causing road surfaces to freeze and thaw. No, really? The breakage caused by that phenomenon is aided by the salt that PennDot applies to prohibit the formation of ice. Hm, interesting. As I recall, they only salted in my area four times this year and yet it seems like there are just as many potholes as other years. Shouldn't it be more proportionate?

Something I've never understood is that surrounding states have the same weather conditions yet the roads seem so much better. Is this an illusion or did someone in PennDot annoy the powers that be, thus eliminating themselves from the good road formula sharing list?

On the upside it's soon trout season. Maybe each fisherman will be able to have his own personal fishing hole right at the end of his driveway so they won't all need to crowd together on the local creek bank.

Other news - Hello by Dakota Rebel released today. It's the first comedy offered by Total-E-Bound and, knowing Dakota, it's sure to make you laugh out loud.

Enter the Bound Brits Contest and Some Random Thoughts

First things first...the contest.

Where are the Brits Bound?

Celebrate the release of Total-E-Bound's new anthology Bound Brits with our "Where are the Brits Bound?" contest. Bound Brits offers six sizzling bondage stories set in various spots in the United Kingdom. To win a free copy of the anthology, plus a gift certificate from the woman-friendly adult toy store Libida.com, all that you need to do is figure out where each story takes place. Second prize is a gift certificate from Total-E-Bound.

It's easy. The map shows six locations, numbered and labeled. Below are links to each author's website or blog. You'll find information on the setting of that author's story somewhere on the linked page. Once you've discovered where the Brits are bound, send an email with the subject "Bound Brits Contest" to barb@barbarahuffert.com listing each location with the appropriate author's name. On March 23rd, we'll randomly draw a winner from among all the correct entries.

That's all there is to it! Good luck!

Author Links

Sierra Cartwright http://www.sierracartwright.com/
Portia da Costa http://www.portiadacosta.com/theretreat.html
Barbara Huffert http://barbarahuffert.com/
Dakota Rebel http://www.dakotarebel.com/contests.htm
Cassidy Ryan http://cassidyryanwrites.tripod.com/
Lisabet Sarai http://www.lisabetsarai.com/getaway_girl.html

Now for other stuff.

For those of you who read my recent MySpace blog I can report that the trivia question on my shampoo bottle has not changed. Kind of disappointing, that. I was really liking the idea of interactive quizes in the shower.

When I turned on my computer tonight I found an offline message from my good friend and fellow Bound Brits author, Dakota Rebel, congratulating me. Had no clue why so I checked the Total-E-Bound site as instructed. Have you already visited her blog? Do you know what I found? If not, I'll tell you. There is a best-seller list on the home page...and Bound Brits is on it. How cool is that! According to the very wise and talented Ms. Rebel we are now entitled to use the label Best-Selling Author. Congrats ladies. I'm honored to share the title with you.

What happened to my winter? I love winter. I keep hearing about it everywhere else. So far however, it hasn't made it to Reading. It used to snow here. Really it did. I'm not delusional. And when it did, kids actually went to school. All day. I suppose pointing that out qualifies me as old but at least I haven't said that I had to walk six miles to school in a blizzard up hill both ways yet.