Apparently it's not only black cats that people need to be afraid of. There's been a new book found in Salem, in the floorboards of the first coven's house. Gee, imagine that. What a coincidence. The name of the guy that found it...Goth. The book...Black Beasts. Sensing a pattern here?
Among other supposedly unknown spells and curses, it contains a section on the consequences of crossing paths with various black critters.
Here are just a few:
Black horses give people huge sores on their butts. - Just by walking by? Wonder what happens if you ride one.
Black birds make you fall out of love with your spouse. - Sorry, doesn't specify if this is blackbirds or birds that are black.
Black bears put people in a coma for several months. - Maybe the bears just want a pillow for when they hibernate.
Black bats cause migraines. - Ah, so that's why I get them. Some witch sent a bat flying by when I was 8. Guess that's what happens when you're a bad child as I was.
Black goats cause the facial hair of onlookers to grow one hundred times faster than normal. - So it's not just a side-effect of aging? But I can't remeber encountering any goats on the streets of Reading lately.
Black squirrels drive people nuts. - Making a note to ask several people I know what color the squirrels in their yards are.
Goth goes on to say that, "This book could explain a number of mysterious maladies that people have suffered over the years.” Hm. Okay, moving right along...
There's a man in Kenya who after failing at being a plant safari guide, melon farmer, and impala rancher is now attempting to raise his body temperature by sitting in the sun during the hottest part of the day while drinking hot tea. He's already up to 106.6. His goal is 112 even though it's against his doctor's advice because there's a such good chance his head will pop before he reaches it. Why? Because he's never done anything important and this is his chance. And this is important because? He also claims his mother always wanted him to earn a degree or two. I suspect this is not what she had in mind. Hm, perhaps he played with black squirrels as a child.
In Romania vampires have determined that tuna blood has the same nutritional value as human blood. They are now lining the shores of the Black Sea, feasting on unsupecting tuna, throwing their drained carcasses back into the water. It's predicted that the tuna will shortly return to life which will severely damage the local fishing industry.
I see.
I think that's enough news for one day. I'm off to pick the last of my strawberries and then find a place to hide from the heatwave that's arrived six weeks ahead of schedule. Stay cool everyone.
Among other supposedly unknown spells and curses, it contains a section on the consequences of crossing paths with various black critters.
Here are just a few:
Black horses give people huge sores on their butts. - Just by walking by? Wonder what happens if you ride one.
Black birds make you fall out of love with your spouse. - Sorry, doesn't specify if this is blackbirds or birds that are black.
Black bears put people in a coma for several months. - Maybe the bears just want a pillow for when they hibernate.
Black bats cause migraines. - Ah, so that's why I get them. Some witch sent a bat flying by when I was 8. Guess that's what happens when you're a bad child as I was.
Black goats cause the facial hair of onlookers to grow one hundred times faster than normal. - So it's not just a side-effect of aging? But I can't remeber encountering any goats on the streets of Reading lately.
Black squirrels drive people nuts. - Making a note to ask several people I know what color the squirrels in their yards are.
Goth goes on to say that, "This book could explain a number of mysterious maladies that people have suffered over the years.” Hm. Okay, moving right along...
There's a man in Kenya who after failing at being a plant safari guide, melon farmer, and impala rancher is now attempting to raise his body temperature by sitting in the sun during the hottest part of the day while drinking hot tea. He's already up to 106.6. His goal is 112 even though it's against his doctor's advice because there's a such good chance his head will pop before he reaches it. Why? Because he's never done anything important and this is his chance. And this is important because? He also claims his mother always wanted him to earn a degree or two. I suspect this is not what she had in mind. Hm, perhaps he played with black squirrels as a child.
In Romania vampires have determined that tuna blood has the same nutritional value as human blood. They are now lining the shores of the Black Sea, feasting on unsupecting tuna, throwing their drained carcasses back into the water. It's predicted that the tuna will shortly return to life which will severely damage the local fishing industry.
I see.
I think that's enough news for one day. I'm off to pick the last of my strawberries and then find a place to hide from the heatwave that's arrived six weeks ahead of schedule. Stay cool everyone.
