DOOM!!!

The Mayan calendar came and went without the world ending but now there’s something new to fret over.  In case you haven’t heard yet it’s called the Higgs Boson particle.

Not being much for physics you’ll have to go and research the technicalities yourself but it has something to do with being responsible for mass.  What it boils down to, in very basic, super oversimplified terms is this.  The universe as we know it is unstable.  It will one day miraculously realize that it wants to be in a different state and go poof, thus allowing an alternate universe to swoop in and replace the one we know and love.

Now before you get all worked up about this, stop!  It will happen at the speed of light so we won’t know what hit us.  And oh yeah, I forgot to mention that it will most likely occur tens of billions of years in the future which means it really won’t make much difference to any of us anyway.

So now you know.  I bet you’re just as thrilled as I am.

Alrighty Then

Apparently the world is ending this Saturday. I don’t know about you but I think that means we don’t have to go in to work on Friday. I mean, really, who wants to spend their last full day at work? There’s not a job in the universe that’s that good.

I read a few articles about this event and I must admit that I’m slightly confused. One version informed me that the graves would all open up and the dead would rise, Christ first. Um, rise to where? Earth? Heaven? Does that mean all the souls of everyone who has ever been buried since the beginning of eternity have been waiting in limbo all this time? Seems kind of cruel to those considered deserving, doesn’t it?

First there’s going to be a world-wide earthquake of unimaginable proportions. After that happens the universe will be consumed by fire. Ah. So the entire universe is ending, not just the world. Good to know. I guess that means those floating around out in space on the Endeavor won’t have to worry about finding an alternate location to land.

Then there’s the discussion of having all your bills paid up, not wanting to leave them to your godless friends and relatives. Does that mean the universe is only ending for believers? Everyone else will be untouched by the fire? Interesting. As far as I’m concerned, if the world is going poof the credit card company is out of luck when it comes to what I owe them.

I am however, concerned for my furry friends. The folks predicting all this doom and gloom say pets don’t have souls so they won’t be going anywhere. There’s a service provided by 45 atheists who, for the small fee of only $135, will care for your pets after you’re burned up. Ooh, perhaps I could get in on that one, start a care center in my area. And there’s that only-those-who-are-true-followers-are-suffering-the-apocalypse thing again.

Something else about the whole pet issue doesn’t make much sense to me. The date, May 21, 2011, was calculated using the date of Noah’s Great Flood. Um, if Noah was to save pairs of all animals in existence, then why would the pets of believers be left behind now?

Yeah, this whole thing seems a little bogus to me. But, in case it’s not, I think I’ll take tomorrow off. Happy weekend, whatever there is of it.

How's This Sound?

I picked up my taxes today. I’ve been dreading the call, saying they were ready but I went and got them anyway. I suspect the financial guru who tends them for me was hesitant to contact me. Last year, I sat in his office and cried.

I arrived and the little boy who came scurrying to greet me went off to get my preparing along with my file so I’m guessing he’d be warned. Surprisingly, it wasn’t quite as bad as anticipated. Oh, it is still plenty bad. Bad enough that I’ve come up with a somewhat creative solution.

I’m going to pay the state and local folks what I owe, since the amounts to them are manageable. The federal is where the problem lies. I’ve decided not to pay them. I’m simply going to write them a letter explaining that since the world is coming to an end next year I prefer to keep my money and use it for the things I’ve been wanting to do that I’ve been putting off because I can’t afford them all at once. I will promise to pay them for last year, and this year as well since I will be withholding payment on those taxes too should the world not self-destruct on schedule. I will make installments throughout 2013 and 2014 to make up for it if need be. Hey, I’m holding back monies from two years so I should have two years to pay if it is necessary. Hmm, perhaps I’ll have my employer stop sending in any of the money they normally take out for me. Then I could really accomplish things on my list.

What do you think? Will they go for it?