Today's Scam

A while back the local electric company sent out a notice that they may be raising rates A LOT in 2011 when the current contract expires. No, they can’t say how much until the time comes. But, just in case it is A LOT, you can hedge against future charges by sending them a little extra every month now. When all is said and done, sending five bucks now will save you all of one once rates change. Yeah. I passed on that one.

Today I got a very official looking letter written in a very scary way that home owners may or may not be responsible for the maintenance of various and assorted exterior equipment and should something go wrong it would be up to them to see about fixing it at an astronomical expense.

But wait! For the low, low fee of $4.99 a month they will maintain the equipment for you. Um, okay. That’s just dandy but no where do they give any qualifications of who and what specifically is or is not covered.

So here’s how I see it. One of the items mentioned is the electric box. Fine. If it’s mine I see absolutely no need to have it so I’m going to get rid of it. Yep, yank that sucker right off the wall and hook my wire directly to theirs. Hey, it’s mine, I can do what I
want with it, right?

No? Not a good idea? How about this? I think they should pay me the same $4.99 fee every month for the privilege of reading MY meter. And let’s tack on another couple bucks access fee since they have to traipse through my yard to get to it. Yes, I like that the sound of that so perhaps I’ll be sending them my official looking letter tomorrow.

More Helpful Hints from MacGyver

Today, in addition to a lot of chemical mumbo-jumbo I'll never use or even remember, I learned how to start a car with a dead battery. Take off the plastic gizmos to uncover the terminals and pour vinegar on top of the battery. Something about the acidity of the vinegar makes any remaining electric charge flow more easily, thus enabling the car to start.

I also learned how to make an arc welder out of a car battery, jumper cables and two quarters. You need the quarters because of the copper cores dipped in nickel. The narrow edge concentrates the charge and makes the current flow in a more directable manner. Put the quarters in the cable ends not attached to the battery. Get them close enough together to create an electrical arc but do not let them touch.

Okay, both of these are all well and good except for one small problem. I'm about the biggest wuss in the universe when it comes to electricity. I was petrified of replacing the doorbell even though I was assured I would barely notice if I bumped the wires together. I'm too scared to test a 9-volt battery on my tongue (or any other moist portion of my anatomy!) The mere thought of holding live jumper cables and focusing the resulting charge in an attempt to fuse some hunks of metal is nearly enough to make me pee in my pants. That's honestly how afraid I am of electricity. Hopefully if one of my heroines is ever in a bind where this may come in handy she'll have much more nerve than I do.

AJ - To break out of a meat locker, remove one of the hanging hooks. Use the attaching end to detach the screws on the door handle. Knock out the door handle. Find something to collect water in. Use the overhead lightbulb to melt some ice, probably formed on the tips of your fingers by this point. Pour the water into the door handle hole. It'll run into the lock. Wait for it to freeze because as it does, it will expand and break said lock. Once broken, kick open the door. Yeah, okay, several flaws in this one as far as I'm concerned but it worked for MacGyver and you're a kick-ass woman so I have faith in you to rescue us next time we happen to be trapped in a meat locker together.

Tomorrow's lesson - breaking and entering. Finally, something useful!