Lesson Three

Today I learned how to crack a safe with a telephone handset. Both have to be pre-digital in order for this to work. Actually I think all I’d be able to manage would be a standard locker in a typical high school.

More interestingly, I can bypass a security system that requires a thumbprint to release the lock. Now what I’ll be doing trying to get into a secure facility in the first place I have yet to figure out but I’ll let you know should the need ever come up.

I also read about how to pick a simple lock with my Swiss Army knife and a paperclip. I may practice this later in case I ever lock myself out of my own house. I’m sure I’ll entertain the neighborhood with this one. It never fails. Whenever I’m doing something questionable, someone always walks by. Living in a medium-sized city you think people would just keep on going, right? Wrong. In my block, they ask. Even those who don’t live here. Of course I won’t be able to resist telling them. I bet within 12 minutes I’ll have an audience. That’s about how long it usually takes the neighbors to congregate whenever I’m doing something they view as odd.

Hm, this book is almost finished. I’ll have to pick out something new for next week’s lunchtime entertainment. Any requests?

More Helpful Hints from MacGyver

Today, in addition to a lot of chemical mumbo-jumbo I'll never use or even remember, I learned how to start a car with a dead battery. Take off the plastic gizmos to uncover the terminals and pour vinegar on top of the battery. Something about the acidity of the vinegar makes any remaining electric charge flow more easily, thus enabling the car to start.

I also learned how to make an arc welder out of a car battery, jumper cables and two quarters. You need the quarters because of the copper cores dipped in nickel. The narrow edge concentrates the charge and makes the current flow in a more directable manner. Put the quarters in the cable ends not attached to the battery. Get them close enough together to create an electrical arc but do not let them touch.

Okay, both of these are all well and good except for one small problem. I'm about the biggest wuss in the universe when it comes to electricity. I was petrified of replacing the doorbell even though I was assured I would barely notice if I bumped the wires together. I'm too scared to test a 9-volt battery on my tongue (or any other moist portion of my anatomy!) The mere thought of holding live jumper cables and focusing the resulting charge in an attempt to fuse some hunks of metal is nearly enough to make me pee in my pants. That's honestly how afraid I am of electricity. Hopefully if one of my heroines is ever in a bind where this may come in handy she'll have much more nerve than I do.

AJ - To break out of a meat locker, remove one of the hanging hooks. Use the attaching end to detach the screws on the door handle. Knock out the door handle. Find something to collect water in. Use the overhead lightbulb to melt some ice, probably formed on the tips of your fingers by this point. Pour the water into the door handle hole. It'll run into the lock. Wait for it to freeze because as it does, it will expand and break said lock. Once broken, kick open the door. Yeah, okay, several flaws in this one as far as I'm concerned but it worked for MacGyver and you're a kick-ass woman so I have faith in you to rescue us next time we happen to be trapped in a meat locker together.

Tomorrow's lesson - breaking and entering. Finally, something useful!

Believe It or Not

I read part of a book today. Now wait, before you get excited and happy for me let me tell you what it was. The Unofficial MacGyver How-To Handbook. Yes, just something I had lying around. Bet you’re wondering now, aren’t you?

Actually, it is kind of interesting. It’s divided into sections. I figure I can read one a day at lunch, thus keeping myself out of trouble until the picnic table is set up in the courtyard. Then I’m going to work on taming the squirrel who sits outside and keeps me company many days.

Today’s section was Great Escapes. I can now break free from a meat locker provided I can manage to disconnect one of the hooks from the ceiling, escape from a snake pit if I just happen to be carrying some kerosene, and get away from a pack of wild dogs in a department store. No, I don’t ever recall encountering wild dogs when I was shopping but you never know. I’m prepared now on the off chance I ever do.

Tomorrow, I’ll be learning the top seven ways to booby-trap a car. I’m sure that will come in handy sooner or later. If not in my own nefarious life, then surely somewhere in the lives of my characters. I'll let you know any other nifty tidbits this book teaches me.