January 10

My father died six years ago today. I was at work. It was just after lunch. My mother called and said he’d been taken in the helicopter and she didn’t know anything more. As I was leaving I bumped into Neeley who was working over the holidays between semesters. She was just a kid at the time but she handled it amazingly well when I held onto her for a moment then blurted out that I thought my dad was dead and I had to go.

The road was blocked by fire police due to the helicopter. I almost ran over the first one when he wouldn’t let me through. As you can imagine I wasn’t making much sense as I tried to explain why he had to let me pass. The second one didn’t even try to stop me.

When I got to the hill at the bottom of the road where my parents lived, about a block from their house, I saw his car crashed into the stone wall across the street. There was an ambulance, fire trucks and state police. The poor cop who caught me after I hopped out of my car was about twelve years old.

I remember clutching his coat in my fists, shaking him, demanding he tell me what was going on. I suspect I’m damn lucky he didn’t shoot me. Or throw me on the ground and handcuff me for acting like a crazy woman. Especially when I started rambling about the dog.

My dad rarely went on errands without his pup. I don’t know why she wasn’t with him that day. She loved to go along. A fireman approached at some point and confirmed the cop’s claim that the dog hadn’t been with him. A neighbor had already asked the same thing so they were certain.

Then I asked him to tell me about my dad. The look I got said it all but he called the ambulance woman over anyway. They offered to come with me to tell my mom. I refused. There was no way I was telling her he was already gone even before they took him away in the helicopter. Not after being the one to tell her of her mother’s passing and another difficult loss in our family.

Why is it always me who has to do that? If there’s someone in your life about to die, please don’t make me be the one to have to tell you. I’ve done it too often and I can’t do it again. That night I did have to call my great aunt and tell her though. After I called one of her friends and explained what was going on so she wouldn’t be alone.

I drove my mom twenty minutes to pick up my brother and then the three of us went to the hospital another half an hour away where they’d flown my dad. All the while I knew it was pointless. He was dead but I had to pretend I didn’t know that.

By the time we got there I had myself so shut down and distanced I couldn’t even cry. But now I can.

Good Stuff/Bad Stuff

First the good - Last night was so much fun! But then an evening with the little girls always is. Can I still call them that? They're 14 so probably not. Anyway we had a great dinner and the show was awesome.

I have to confess I never saw the movie version of Footloose. For some reason I really didn't like Kevin Bacon at all back then and I wasn't into dancing so I skipped it. Never got around to it even though Kevin's grown on me. Riley however, has and in her opinion it's much better as a musical. Go see it if you have the chance. It's long but worth it.

Now the bad - My car. Remember when I was a good girl and went off and had the oil changed? A few days after that I noticed some oil on the street. It took a little while but I determined it was coming from my car. I called and was told to bring it back, perhaps the filter is defective. So at 5:45 this morning I scooted off to the garage.

I got to be there today when the mechanic put it up on the lift. Normally I have to wait in the waiting room but it was just the two of us so he let me in the garage with him. Actually it was because we got there at the same time and he hadn't even turned all the lights on before he pulled my car inside. Up it went and instantly he started shaking his head. Nope, not the filter. Or the drain plug. He suspects it may be the head gasket. Since it's a Saab you can't really tell without taking the top of the engine apart. If that's the cause, I'm well and truly screwed here. It'll cost more to fix than a) I paid for the car and b) the car is worth.

I have an appointment for next week, just in case it's the breather valve thingy malfunctioning. That's fairly cheap and easy so it's worth checking. In the mean time I am to drive as little as possible and always carry oil to add frequently as the leak will continue to get worse.


Yep, life really sucks some days with how it can go from fun to depressing in a flash.

Adventure Tonight

Eva May and I are going out with the girls again. Tonight’s destination – Footloose. Dinner first, still to be decided. I’ll let you know all about it tomorrow.

Why don't you go do something fun tonight too?

Say What?

I heard on the radio today that the government fund to assist people in getting signal converters for their TV’s is temporarily depleted. There is a waiting list started for when it is replenished but that won’t be for six weeks. Before then, the signal will be swtiched from analog to digital and people will have missed some of their shows. Yes, that is what was reported on the news.

I have several problems with this one. First of all, so what? There’s more to life than TV or if there’s not then there should be. Second, who decided the money I work hard to earn that is then taken from in in the form of taxes should be spent on something so inane as television? I pay for my TV viewing. When I didn’t have the money for it, I did without. No government agency stepped in and offered to help me. I should add here that the converter gizmos only cost around $80.00. Anyone who can’t afford that is in bigger trouble than just missing out on remaining a couch potato.

When did the ability to watch pointless quasi-reality programs become more important than say healthcare for children living in poverty situation? I don’t get it. No, I just don’t get it.

Imagine

It’s dark. You’re sound asleep. Only not peacefully. You see awful, terrible, horrible things happening. And there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop it.

And then it gets worse. Whoever is doing whatever notices you standing there and decides you need to be taken care of so you can’t interfere. So you can’t tell.

Or even more horrifying. They come to get you to take you along so you can record the heinous things they’re doing. Night after night. You can’t resist. You have to go. You don’t help but you don’t prevent any of the atrocities. You walk to the end of the corridor and watch. And live with it.

Eventually what you’re seeing sinks in and you begin to struggle. You can’t at first. You try to move because you know that will wake you up. You try to scream. You can’t. You’re trapped, watching over and over as someone gets killed in the most terrifying ways ever. Ways you can’t begin to comprehend actually happening to anyone.

But I’ve seen it. Or I’ve been the victim. Sooner or later I do manage to scream myself awake. Yeah, that’s always fun. I used to have Mouse to soothe me with his purrs. The other cats don’t understand how much I need that so they don’t rescue me like he used to.

Once the screaming stops because I’ve realized it’s me and I’m fine, I have to get up and wander around the house a bit. If I don’t, I slip right back into the nightmare and it picks up where it left off. Unless it goes back to the beginning and I get to relive it, knowing what’s coming, not really asleep but not really awake either.

That’s my life and yes, I have gotten used to it to some extent. You do when it’s always been that way.

Mbuti, Colin Turnball, and a Point

The Mbuti Pygmies live in the Ituri Forest in what is now called the Democratic Republic of Congo in Africa. They’re a peaceful people, a society of hunters and gatherers who have no form of government. They resolve the majority of their conflicts through laughter. Basically, they ridicule each other until they get so outrageous they forget what the original cause of the disturbance was and harmony is restored. Perhaps we could learn something from them.

Unlike their village dwelling neighbors who are afraid of the forest because they think it houses evil spirits, the Mbuti believe the forest is their friend. They sing to keep it happy and to ask for it to provide game for their hunts. Yes, recordings are available.

The primary man to study this group of Pygmies was Colin Turnball of London, England. His first encounter with them however, was before he became an anthropologist. He travelled to what was then Zaire with a friend. One of the odd jobs he had that trip was helping a movie producer build a boat. The producer, Sam Spiegel and the boat, the African Queen.

After returning to Oxford and specializing in the anthropology of Africa, Turnball made five more expeditions to the Ituri region, publishing his study of the Pygmies, The Forest People, and the follow up, The Mountain People, which concentrated more on the village dwelling Ik people in Uganda. Turnball was not your typical anthropologist in that he quite obviously did not maintain his neutrality about his subjects as is encouraged. He adored the Mbuti and despised the Ik.

Eventually Turnball became a naturalized citizen of the United States, working as curator for the Museum of Natural History in New York and then as a professor at the Virginia Commonwealth University. While there, he lived in rural Virginia in an interracial, openly gay relationship. In the 1960’s.

I met Colin Turnball in the early 80’s when he was doing the lecture circuit and, since I was an anthropology major, had the great fortune of spending an afternoon with him. What a fascinating individual!

Now for my point. Both Turnball and his partner of 30 years, Dr. Joseph Towels, died at the age of 69 from complications of AIDS. The disease doesn’t care who you are or what you’ve done in your lifetime. Protect yourself.

Just a Click

That's all it takes to help so many good causes. It only takes a second for each one. Here's the link to the literacy page but while you're there please spend a minute and click your way across all of them. Right now they're displaying all the good done by last year's clicks. Remember to visit every day so next year the totals will be even higher. Clicking doesn't cost you a thing but if you're in a spending mood be sure to check out all the cool stuff available on each of the pages. Everything purchased helps the cause even more.

Clever?

In my area there’s a grocery store that has made a huge announcement of how it’s going to freeze prices in all 155 of its stores. Thousands of items all over the store. Starting January 1st and lasting 90 days. How altruistic of them.

But is it? Really, if you think of it, they’re doing this at a time when prices are at an all time high. They didn’t lower them first to match the falling transportation costs. No, they left them exactly where they went up to when all the exorbitant fuel surcharges were in effect.

I stopped at one of these stores today to pick up just a few things. On display all over the store there were these nifty little signs designating which items fell under the price freeze. Everywhere I looked I saw them. So I started watching people. I saw several reaching for these controlled products. I was very tempted to ask if it was their regular brand they were choosing or if they were influenced by the hype. But then I decided not to. If people are happier, believing they’re getting some sort of bargain, what right do I have to burst their bubble?

TGIF

It’s been a very long day and my mind is pretty much shot. It’s being too sieve-like for me to form any clever coherent thoughts to entertain you with today. They’re there, I just can’t manage to snag onto any of them long enough to write them down for you. The frog tongue technique isn’t even working today. You’ll have to find Riley if you want an explanation for that one. Sorry, don’t know what she’s up to tonight so I can’t tell you where to look. I’m even too beat to call and see what she and her family are doing for dinner.

But I won’t leave you hanging. Amarinda has lots to say today. Click here to go see what it is. In fact, email her your opinion after you do and tell her I sent you. If you say something profound she just might post it tomorrow. Come on, I know you have it in you. Not everyone had to work today like I did so those of you who didn’t have no excuse.

Have a good weekend. I plan to work on a little research project for my next info-blog and hopefully get lots of writing done.

Nope

Nothing much going on here today. I ended up going to bed early last night. Hey, I was tired and I'd had enough of 2008. Due to the high winds, the organizers who put on the fireworks display up at the pagoda had to cut out most of them. I figured I'd be able to sleep through the few remaining ones. Not quite but they didn't disturb me to the point where I was honestly awake.

I did miss the relighting of the pagoda. As part of the hundredth anniversary celebration spruce up it got new lights all around and last night at midnight was the first they would be displayed. That's okay. They'll be on tonight too.

Today I've been domestic. Yes, I know, wrong for a holiday but it means I'll have my weekend free so I see it as worth it. Believe it or not I even cooked the traditional Pennsylvania Dutch good luck meal of pork and saurkraut and mashed potatoes. Real mashed potatoes, not out of a box. I know you're all probably thinking ew now and I used to agree with you. It's an acquired taste and I've grown into it. Actually, I started making it myself which means I can wash the saurkraut which eliminates the excessive salt taste. I also cook it without adding water so it's not soggy, my other complaint. Much better my way.

Other than that, I'll probably watch an old movie or maybe start out the year by reading a book.

Oh, talk about things that are just plain wrong, I have to work tomorrow. There should be a worldwide mandate against working the day after a holiday when it falls on a Friday.