So...

3:08 last Friday morning, I rolled over and the piece of wood the slats rest on self-destructed. Completely! My grandparents bought that bed when they got married in 1928. I guess 87 years isn't too shabby.

Yes, many bad words were said while I dismantled the rest of the bed and stashed it in another room. Once I got the hammer the cats decided attempting to "help" was not a good idea.

Only took 20 minutes to have everything rearranged but as you might guess there wasn't any more sleep to be had. And I discovered the most interesting bruises when I hopped in the shower. I'm not sure exactly how I managed it but the one on the inside of my leg has a line through it.  I guess that's where it hit although it really doesn't make much sense. As I said, the inside of my leg.

Three days later I've decided I really don't much like sleeping on the mattress on the floor even if it means my neighbor's dusk to dawn spotlight isn't shining directly in my face.  I know a carpenter.  I'll have to consult him about repairing the bed.  Perhaps he can fix it so it lasts another 87 years.

It's always something.

Today's Adventure

I don’t know if you recall but I’m had some difficulty with a wet floor around my toilet off and on for about a year now.  After having the wax ring replaced, needlessly it was determined to be the feeder line.  It was tightened up and I was told to watch it.

My floor was not good to begin with.  It was obviously replaced before I moved it.  The ex did a shoddy repair that didn’t help matters.  When the leaking continued and the ceiling below it started to show seepage I decided I had no choice.

I was at work one day, discussing the situation and stated that I needed a handyman.  Five minutes later I walked out the door to go to one of the other buildings and there, parked by the curb right out front was a van with a handyman sign painted on the side.  Okay, so the universe provided one.  Thank you!

Today I had the day off.  I called him two weeks ago and he said sure, he’d come today and yes, it would only take today.  I only have one bathroom.  That is essential.

Bright and early he appeared as promised.  He went about taking out the old toilet which had cracked due to the floor being unsteady.  Five minutes later there was water pouring down through the ceiling into my dining room.  The pipe leading to the feeder line snapped.

That mess cleaned up and he pulls up the floor to see what he had to deal with.  Do you know what it’s like to be sitting downstairs, listening to ongoing muttering about what a disaster it is and how impossible it is and how he has no clue what to do?   Not fun.  No, not fun at all.  Nor encouraging.

But off he went to Lowe’s to gather supplies.

Six hours and much muttering later, he says he thinks it should be okay.  Not very confidently.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

The Best

Yesterday, when I came home from being out and about, I stepped on my bottom step which promptly crumbled under my foot. Much swearing later, I had myself very depressed, convinced I would need a new unit of prefab, concrete steps. I didn’t price them as I was positive they would be expensive. Anything that requires a heavy duty truck with a mini-crane attached in order to deliver them has to be costly, right?

So today while I was at work I asked my neighbor who works with me if he happened to notice the condition of the steps. He said no and asked if they needed patching again. He’d done that for me last summer when one of the corners disintegrated. Yep. Okay, he’d have a look when he got home.

I left work a bit later this evening and by the time I got here he’d already started poking at them. He had a plan in motion for how to selvedge them, saving me who knows how much. All I have to do is finance the cement he’ll need. Of course, I will also provide dinner for him and his lovely wife, even though it’s always said not to be necessary. After all, I help them out at times in return. That’s how it’s been since they moved in beside me twelve years ago. Still, I insist.

How’s that for cool!

My Weekend

Over the weekend I decided to tackle some home rigging, er, repair that I’ve been avoiding. The molding that covers the screen edge on my screened-in porch has aged and begun to pop off the nails. I figured I better deal with it before the screen popped off too.

Sounds simple, right? Hahaha, nope. But then what in my life ever is? There’s a layer of lattice on the inside of the screen to protect the kitties from toppling out. Oh, did I forget to mention the porch is on the second floor? Well, it is. And the lattice is securely, as in extremely securely fastened. Which means tapping in new nails is not an option.

On to plan B. Off I went to Lowe’s. Chatted with a very nice man who told me which variety of glue would work best. Outside. Wood over screen to siding-type stuff. Put a bead on each surface. Let set for five minutes. Stick together. Okay. Only problem is the lattice is such that my hands barely fit through the openings. Yep, bruised all the way around my hands and wrists.

There was one spot with the molding off completely. That worked as specified. No real problem other than it took much, much longer to set up than stated. Then I moved on to the area where some of the nails were still holding and only parts of the molding were sagging.

First of all, the tip on the glue was not elongated and nicely pointy. Getting it between the molding and the siding was not easy. In fact, it ended up all over me. And then the screen shifted which required me to need to reach through the almost set up glue in order to yank it back into place. And, since the surfaces really weren’t separate, it was impossible to let them get tacky as instructed. So I ended up standing there, holding everything in place until it stuck. Naturally, this spot was over my head.

Let me tell you, the cats instinctively knew to stay out of range as they lurked about, smirking at me. They found it highly entertaining when three fingers were glued together. Which I didn’t really notice until after I managed to yank them free from the molding. And of course, I had no turpentine or even nail polish remover. Yeah, sometimes I just don’t think ahead.

But the screen is safely in place. The bugs will remain outside, much to the cats chagrin. And I went to a picnic in the evening, outdoors, and by the time I came home I had most of the glue, and a fair amount of the skin on my hands peeled off.

I'm Such a Girl

I have a double spotlight on the side of my house. Two days ago, one of the bulbs blew. Yesterday, I consulted the maintenance guru at work about one of those extender gizmos used to change bulbs up high therefore eliminating the need for the ladder I can’t lift to be maneuvered between wires and the potential of electrocuting myself and blacking out the whole neighborhood. Being who he is, the guru disappeared into the shop for a moment and returned with the aforementioned gizmo.

It was 95 yesterday but I remained fully clothed for this project anyway. I’ve discovered that’s always best when undertaking tasks of unknown difficulty no matter how freaking hot it may be. In theory, it seemed relatively simple. Extend pole to desired length, tighten whatsits at joints on pole, slip cage claw gripper thingy over bulb, remove old, replace with new, loosen whatsits, shorten pole. Simple, right? Wrong!

But first, aren’t you impressed with my technical jargon?

Extended pole, tightened whatsits, no problem. Slip claw thingy over bulb, easier said than done. So glad yesterday was my early day and most people were still at work because otherwise I’d have been entertaining the neighborhood again. My ex installed this spotlight. The location he chose was less than desirable, to put it mildly. It’s about 16 feet up, evenly spaced between two second-story windows so it can not be reached from inside when you need to change a bulb. It’s too high up for the stepladder. The angle is such that I had to stand on top of the side of the big heavy ladder that is resting against the chain link fence and then lean over said fence halfway into my neighbor’s yard to get the claw thingy over the bulb. And no, I couldn’t just go over to the neighbor’s yard. I wouldn’t have been up high enough.

After pulling claw thingy off, tightening whatsits because they weren’t tight enough the first time and the pole was spinning instead of the bulb, repositioning claw thingy while still balanced on the side of the ladder, while wearing my sexy purple Crocs by the way because what else does one wear when doing home repairs, I managed to remove the spent bulb. So far, so good.
Now, the replacing of the bulb. Had to climb down off the side of the ladder, put the new bulb in the claw thingy, climb back on the ladder. Done. By then the sun had shifted and it’s in my face. So I’m looking up, balanced on a 2½ inch aluminum strip wearing squishy rubber, open backed shoes with a 15 foot wobbly pole, fully extended above my head, trying to spear an inch-round tab into a blind socket all the way up there. Did I mention that it was damn hot yesterday? By then the sweat was dripping into my eyes. Yes, my Marine father would have been blushing again and I bet my ex’s ears were burning. Damn man! Who the hell puts things in such positions anyway? Must have been drunk when he came up with that brilliant idea.

So after several attempts, much swearing, and continual twisting of the pole in mid-air, I finally got the bulb in the socket. Yeah me! Girls rule! Hahaha, not so fast. The second damn whatsits won’t loosen properly. I had to take it back to the guru and confess that I broke his gizmo. I anticipated one of those looks reserved specifically for females in just these circumstances and this time I admit I deserve it.

To make matters worse, when I flipped on the light last night the damn bulb was still out. Either the new bulb is defective or I don’t have it screwed in all the way.

As expected, I got the look, complete with sigh. He smashed the pole at the joint and now it doesn’t spin so it’s not useless. It works, it just won’t contract to fit neatly on the shelf as it did. What I didn’t expect was him handing me the second gizmo to try again and offering me a new light bulb if tightening mine more doesn’t work. And this after I sort of broke his tool! Confouding creatures, gurus.

To be continued…