I have a double spotlight on the side of my house. Two days ago, one of the bulbs blew. Yesterday, I consulted the maintenance guru at work about one of those extender gizmos used to change bulbs up high therefore eliminating the need for the ladder I can’t lift to be maneuvered between wires and the potential of electrocuting myself and blacking out the whole neighborhood. Being who he is, the guru disappeared into the shop for a moment and returned with the aforementioned gizmo.
It was 95 yesterday but I remained fully clothed for this project anyway. I’ve discovered that’s always best when undertaking tasks of unknown difficulty no matter how freaking hot it may be. In theory, it seemed relatively simple. Extend pole to desired length, tighten whatsits at joints on pole, slip cage claw gripper thingy over bulb, remove old, replace with new, loosen whatsits, shorten pole. Simple, right? Wrong!
But first, aren’t you impressed with my technical jargon?
Extended pole, tightened whatsits, no problem. Slip claw thingy over bulb, easier said than done. So glad yesterday was my early day and most people were still at work because otherwise I’d have been entertaining the neighborhood again. My ex installed this spotlight. The location he chose was less than desirable, to put it mildly. It’s about 16 feet up, evenly spaced between two second-story windows so it can not be reached from inside when you need to change a bulb. It’s too high up for the stepladder. The angle is such that I had to stand on top of the side of the big heavy ladder that is resting against the chain link fence and then lean over said fence halfway into my neighbor’s yard to get the claw thingy over the bulb. And no, I couldn’t just go over to the neighbor’s yard. I wouldn’t have been up high enough.
After pulling claw thingy off, tightening whatsits because they weren’t tight enough the first time and the pole was spinning instead of the bulb, repositioning claw thingy while still balanced on the side of the ladder, while wearing my sexy purple Crocs by the way because what else does one wear when doing home repairs, I managed to remove the spent bulb. So far, so good.
Now, the replacing of the bulb. Had to climb down off the side of the ladder, put the new bulb in the claw thingy, climb back on the ladder. Done. By then the sun had shifted and it’s in my face. So I’m looking up, balanced on a 2½ inch aluminum strip wearing squishy rubber, open backed shoes with a 15 foot wobbly pole, fully extended above my head, trying to spear an inch-round tab into a blind socket all the way up there. Did I mention that it was damn hot yesterday? By then the sweat was dripping into my eyes. Yes, my Marine father would have been blushing again and I bet my ex’s ears were burning. Damn man! Who the hell puts things in such positions anyway? Must have been drunk when he came up with that brilliant idea.
So after several attempts, much swearing, and continual twisting of the pole in mid-air, I finally got the bulb in the socket. Yeah me! Girls rule! Hahaha, not so fast. The second damn whatsits won’t loosen properly. I had to take it back to the guru and confess that I broke his gizmo. I anticipated one of those looks reserved specifically for females in just these circumstances and this time I admit I deserve it.
To make matters worse, when I flipped on the light last night the damn bulb was still out. Either the new bulb is defective or I don’t have it screwed in all the way.
As expected, I got the look, complete with sigh. He smashed the pole at the joint and now it doesn’t spin so it’s not useless. It works, it just won’t contract to fit neatly on the shelf as it did. What I didn’t expect was him handing me the second gizmo to try again and offering me a new light bulb if tightening mine more doesn’t work. And this after I sort of broke his tool! Confouding creatures, gurus.
To be continued…
It was 95 yesterday but I remained fully clothed for this project anyway. I’ve discovered that’s always best when undertaking tasks of unknown difficulty no matter how freaking hot it may be. In theory, it seemed relatively simple. Extend pole to desired length, tighten whatsits at joints on pole, slip cage claw gripper thingy over bulb, remove old, replace with new, loosen whatsits, shorten pole. Simple, right? Wrong!
But first, aren’t you impressed with my technical jargon?
Extended pole, tightened whatsits, no problem. Slip claw thingy over bulb, easier said than done. So glad yesterday was my early day and most people were still at work because otherwise I’d have been entertaining the neighborhood again. My ex installed this spotlight. The location he chose was less than desirable, to put it mildly. It’s about 16 feet up, evenly spaced between two second-story windows so it can not be reached from inside when you need to change a bulb. It’s too high up for the stepladder. The angle is such that I had to stand on top of the side of the big heavy ladder that is resting against the chain link fence and then lean over said fence halfway into my neighbor’s yard to get the claw thingy over the bulb. And no, I couldn’t just go over to the neighbor’s yard. I wouldn’t have been up high enough.
After pulling claw thingy off, tightening whatsits because they weren’t tight enough the first time and the pole was spinning instead of the bulb, repositioning claw thingy while still balanced on the side of the ladder, while wearing my sexy purple Crocs by the way because what else does one wear when doing home repairs, I managed to remove the spent bulb. So far, so good.
Now, the replacing of the bulb. Had to climb down off the side of the ladder, put the new bulb in the claw thingy, climb back on the ladder. Done. By then the sun had shifted and it’s in my face. So I’m looking up, balanced on a 2½ inch aluminum strip wearing squishy rubber, open backed shoes with a 15 foot wobbly pole, fully extended above my head, trying to spear an inch-round tab into a blind socket all the way up there. Did I mention that it was damn hot yesterday? By then the sweat was dripping into my eyes. Yes, my Marine father would have been blushing again and I bet my ex’s ears were burning. Damn man! Who the hell puts things in such positions anyway? Must have been drunk when he came up with that brilliant idea.
So after several attempts, much swearing, and continual twisting of the pole in mid-air, I finally got the bulb in the socket. Yeah me! Girls rule! Hahaha, not so fast. The second damn whatsits won’t loosen properly. I had to take it back to the guru and confess that I broke his gizmo. I anticipated one of those looks reserved specifically for females in just these circumstances and this time I admit I deserve it.
To make matters worse, when I flipped on the light last night the damn bulb was still out. Either the new bulb is defective or I don’t have it screwed in all the way.
As expected, I got the look, complete with sigh. He smashed the pole at the joint and now it doesn’t spin so it’s not useless. It works, it just won’t contract to fit neatly on the shelf as it did. What I didn’t expect was him handing me the second gizmo to try again and offering me a new light bulb if tightening mine more doesn’t work. And this after I sort of broke his tool! Confouding creatures, gurus.
To be continued…
4 comments:
Ahhhh crap. I have one of those yellow doo-hickeys and I CAN'T do it. Is it a girl thing? A blonde thing? I can't figure it out. My husband does it, no problem. GRRRR. I seriously dislike this kind of stuff.
Crocs. Had to laugh. I have navy, black and baby blue crocs. Ugly things ever invented so why do we love them? Still trying to figure it out. Comfy, no doubt, but I look like an elf in mine. Or is it a troll?
Excuse me but I personally look like a goddess in my crocs. You really need to develop the attitude, Regina honey. I can help you with that.
I have no mechanical whoosiwhatsits genes. Thankfully DS#1 is good at that stuff so I call him when I need a hand.
I bow to you, oh Queen of Tools. You do all women proud. I wouldn't have the nerve, heights frighten me. We've got the same light set up at the side of our. Burned out above...oh five years ago...We've never replaced.
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