Miffed

Ha ha black sheep
Won’t follow that bitch Bo Peep
Word up on the street
Kiddies, you’s in for a treat
No stories today
Instead we’s gonna play

Last time I looked
The ole goose lady ‘bout to be cooked
Soon as Peter the p’eater
Done his straight up beat her
Needle from the spoon
Send her over the moon
Gimme the bat
Gonna relieve her head of some fat

And in the space
That used to be her face
Itsy bitsy spider
Gonna hatch some poison eggs inside her
Ain’t nothing gonna wash them out
Once we seal her up with ticky tacky grout

Shut up her braying
No use her praying
Don’t matter awake or asleep
She ain’t got no soul any lord wanna keep
Fuck yeah, go yank her from her bed
Time to get her dead

© 2009 Barbara Huffert

Blown Away

Alone in the dusk of my days
I mourn the loss
Of all I hold dear.
Tis the end of what-was
With no what-will-be to come

Heart hardened
Shattered
Pierced by shards
Too tired to staunch the flow
All that I could have been
Seeping in to the barren ground
Drying to dust
Winds of time
Blow me away

The empty shell of me carries on
Mimicking what once was a life
Blindly grasping
At nothing but wisps
Memories scattered in the breeze
Until even my husk
No longer remembers
Who I might have become

© 2012 Barbara Huffert

My Nights

I dreamed again
Summoning the demons
The creatures from beyond
Heavily fanged with curved razors for claws and eyes that glint with evil
They broke free as they tend to do
Slicing their way through the shielding walls of my mind
The swath of destruction they cut – unmatched by anything of this realm
They roam your plane
Killing all who attempt to stand in their way
Leveling a path
Leaving nothing living in their wake
They hunt in packs
Flushing out their prey
Slaughtering at will
Yes, I bring them
But do not assume I am unscathed
I am their portal to your world
And though they need me
I am not protected
Every coming leaves me more tattered, more damaged
And soon my mind will splinter
Rendering me useless to them
They will open me up once too often
And I will be broken beyond repair
Beware that day for when it comes they will be trapped here among you
With no means of calling them home
Live now in your happy ignorance while you can
Soon enough reality as you know it will cease to exist
Darkness, unabating terror will reign supreme
And no one, no one will be spared

The Silence

Drowning in a sea of my own darkness
The buoy of hope slips from my grasp
I am sinking
Deeper and deeper within
Back beneath the impermeable layers
To where I am unreachable

Looking up from the bottom
Of the smooth-sided well
I wonder how I ever made it out before
The climb –
So Steep
So Slippery
Light so very high above

I’m tired
Too tired
To even try
For I know my strength is lacking
And I’ll never make it that far again

Not as I am…

Alone in the silence

© Barbara Huffert 2011

Adieu

I am but one in the hoards of many
Faceless and unseen
My ubiquity matters not
Nor does my devotion
I am tossed away like yesterday’s paper
My constancy discarded without a second glance

Who am I to boast such ego?
Average at best
My strength – a chameleon
Always blending in
No special shine of my own
Nothing drawing me to the center
Marking me as worthy
I am but a pawn to be sacrificed at will
A minion, manipulated on a whim

The time to withdrawal, long since passed
I must not, cannot delay
My dalliance must cease
My departure will go unchallenged
My disappearance, unnoticed
For no one relishes my presence
And no one will agonize my absence

Over

I’m fading
Like moonlight in the dawn
My spark burns out
Leaving my soul
Full of
…nothing

The river of my heart
Once overflowing
With love
And hope
Trickles
And dries
…to dust

Laughter rings no more
Joy leeched
From my very being
What remains
A hollow, empty shell
That was once
But will never again
Be
…me

Chirp

Cricket
Chirping in the moonlight
Echoing in the crisp chilled air
Louder now that its time is coming to an end
Full of desperation

Reaching the end of my days
I too sing at the top of my lungs
Tuneless and hollow
My caterwauling fills the void
Calling out for all I’ve lost
All I never found

My heart thuds
Thunder inside my head
Though no one hears
For like the lone cricket
I am the last of my kind
Left alive in the cold bleakness
Of this early winter’s eve

I wait
Hoping against hope
But there is no reply
My tune slows
To a dirge
Soon to be silenced
By the frost
That ices my soul



© Barbara Huffert 2011

Giving Up

Sitting

Silent tears streaming down my cheeks

Feeling you slip away

Fading to nothingness

Until it’s as if you’d never been there

As if we’d never shared the connection that once bound us

As if our love never existed

I’m an empty shell

Lost again in loneliness

Heart so shriveled

Senses shutting down

I gather what little is left

Struggling to salvage some semblance of me

Then I pause

Wondering why I still bother to fight

Why I bother to try

There’s nothing left

And no one to care

I sigh sadly

Letting the tears flow

And admit I’m not worth it

Not even to me

So I turn and go

Drifting into the void

And though I can’t feel you there

In my damaged soul

I know it’s one last thing that we share

Invincible

I am the keeper of the light.
The guardian of possibilities
Glowing deep within
I hold a flame
That can’t, won’t go out
A glimmer of hope
Flickering in the darkness
Though dim to the world
It is a beacon
To my chosen family
Reflecting untold strengths
Drawing us together
Until we are one
And once we are
We will be a force
So great
The mere mortals
Will cower in our shadow
Yes, come to me now
Add your spark to mine
And become one of us

Of the Rain

Jagged spikes of blue-tinged platinum
Pierce the sky
As the echo of nature’s drums
Reverberates across the heavens.
The angels weep with joy tonight,
Their tears flooding
The earth below.
Mortals scurry to and fro
Huddled beneath their illusions of safety.
Hiding
Afraid to be caught in the deluge,
Unaware of the magic it contains.
Look around
If you dare
And maybe, just maybe
You will catch a glimpse
Of the mythical creatures
That dance naked in the rain
Drawn out by the raw power of the storm
Absorbing every drop.
Not quite human
Nor animal either
Something in between
Illusive and beautiful
Rare and glorious
Treasures one and all.
A non-believer you say?
Trust me, you must
Indeed they do exist
I know
For I am one of them

Waiting

I stand alone in a room full of people.
Adrift in a sea of faces.
Waiting,
Waiting,
Always waiting.
For someone,
Anyone.
To notice…
Me.
The me inside,
The me I truly am,
The me with so much to give it hurts,
For that’s the me no one ever sees.
Unwanted by the few who’ve caught glimpses.
Is it fear that makes them reject me?
Or am I simply that undesirable?
I ask so little.
Still, it is too much.
Here I remain.
Beaten down by time.
Lost and alone.
In the midst of all.
Who will never know
What a treasure I might have been.

Goodbye

Stay in the light

I’m trying

Stay in the light

It’s so hard

Don’t go near the shadows

I won’t

But I want to

Don’t go near the shadows

It looks so peaceful there

Step away from the dark

I will

But it seems so serene

Step away from the dark

It’s calling to me

Keep out of the blackness

I know I have to

But it hurts

Keep out of the blackness

It would be so much better there

Come back

I will

In a minute

Come back

I can’t

Diagnosis

Day dawns, dripping with despair
Doom
Doom
Doom
The death knell drones
Discouragement defeats defiance in the dank dungeon where I dwell
Diseased by down and out desperation
Drowning in depression of dinosauric dividends
Dire deeds do naught to dispel the disasters that develop
Dependence on the dynamic dowsed, drying to dust
Deterioration to the degree of disgusting diffidence
Disparagement dispatched, dispersing disorder
Diabolical devices degrade, destroying determination
Devastation dominates for the duration without deterrence
During the deepening darkness, I,
Deemed disposable,
Die

Look At Me

Standing in the moonlight
In all my glory
My alabaster skin glowing
Hips swaying gently
To a melody on the wind
That only I can hear
Fingers delving
Touching secret spots
Concealed in shadow
Dreamed of
Yearned for
Hands moving
Cupping curved softness
Arms raise slowly
Twining overhead
Reaching
Stretching
Whole body undulating
In a dance as old as time
Curls flowing
Fluffed by the breeze
That carries the scent
Of my sweetness
Lips glistening
Parted
Waiting to be kissed
Clouds play over the moon
Hiding me from view
Am I here?
Or am I gone?
Bored by your indecision
The sky clears
The world pauses
Captivated by my sudden stillness
My eyes pierce your soul
Pinning you
Yes, I knew you were there, watching
Look at me
I am a Goddess
Are you worthy?

Can You Help?

Restless prowling
Overwhelming discontent
I must change, am changing into…
…into…
I don’t know.

But I know what I’ve been – nothing
Only now that the transformation has begun
I’m fit to burst with…
…with…
I don’t know.

Is it madness that possesses my mind
Pure insanity
Making me so ready to…
…to…
I don’t know.

Or something else
Something more
Something that…
…that…
I don’t know.

Things used to be so clear
I was me and that was that
But now…
…now…
I don’t know.

Who I am
What to do
Where to go
I just…
…just…
I don’t know.

There You Go

A Plea

Conjure me a storm
Agitate the skies
Whip up the wind
Provoke the clouds
Inflame the heavens
Send the lightning streaking
Make it sizzle around me
Let the thunder crack as if the core of the universe is rending
Stir the ozone until it permeates every fiber of my soul
Have the rain pour forth in torrents
Flood my being with a tsunami only the likes of you can create
Wash away my pain

If you have horrendous weather for the next five days you now have someone to blame.

In the End

In my eyes, the stars are going out

One by one, each a little piece of my soul

Withered and dying, like leaves on a chilled autumn eve

Soon the cold, bleak and barren, will be all that’s left

Darkness prevails

There is no bliss

Joy, a thing of the past

Happiness reigns no more

I see the same echoed in each of us

And I weep for all we have lost

So much we will never know

My heart aches for what must remain undone

Where there was hope, now a vast emptiness

A wasteland that was once the garden of our combined dreams

Gone

All gone

Nothing left save sadness

Silence

Thick and cold

Encasing my essence

No hush left in my wake

I make not a sound

As tears stream down my cheeks

Even my crying is muted now

My heart, shriveled and dying

Broken without a whisper

Wasted, unwanted, turning to dust

Blows away, unnoticed

I was always less than nothing

Now even more so than ever

Soon forgotten

My entire existence wiped away

As if I never was

The Chosen

Lurking beyond the shadows
Betrayers to the darkness
Those that are incapable of understanding
They mill about, waiting to pounce
Seeking to destroy the delicate balance
To turn us against our own
Making our exquisite wickedness into something ugly
Sordid instead of beautifully evil
They shine a false light that taints all it touches
Unable to leave us in the gloom that brings us peace
They fear our serenity, our power that radiates from within
Deeming us monsters when in truth it is they who are barbaric
We are the Chosen
And they can’t abide that
Their jealously torments, sickening their putrid souls
They cannot rest without attempting to eradicate us
Impossible but they are so blinded by hatred they do not realize until it is too late
Yes, we are the Chosen, the True
Try as they might, they cannot infect us with their poison
We are individually unique yet we are one
We stand alone yet united
We are connected by silent communication that binds us tighter than their words ever could
We are solitary yet indivisible
We are universal
Eternal
Unfathomable save to each other
We
Are
The
Chosen
And we will not be denied

One of the Few

Darkness pervades the pale hollows of my soul

Chasing out the last of the frolicsome motes

And I welcome it.

Gone are the cluttered trappings of the pretender,

The one who used to be.

The disgruntled malcontent

So infected with society’s hype,

Replaced now with the stark nothingness of authenticity.

No more games.

Never again the marionette

Torn asunder while struggling to conform.

Lines purposefully severed.

Dancing at the end of the strings no more.

Consciousness awakening.

A hyena scavenging the mindless carcasses of those yet confined.

Open, absorbing the elemental power of the void.

Linking to those who lurk beneath the throng

Poised, ready to accept my destiny

For I am chosen.