Saturday, August 9, 2008

So Tell Me

If you were of an age as I am and found yourself single again how would you go about meeting someone new?

I've tried the traditional ask my friends route. Nope, didn't pan out. Forming a friendship through work is not an option. I'm not doing the whole bar thing again. That's what got me the last loser. No thank you, sure as hell don't want an updated version of him.

I even looked around at the grocery and book stores. All that did was make me silly and get me disapproving looks.

I've had joining a church suggested. Um, sorry, that seems just a tad hypocritical to me, feigning a religious affiliation merely for the purpose of hooking up. Somehow I don't think the dieties would be very happy with me and I think I've been smited more than enough with everything that's already happened in my life.

So what's that leave me? The internet? Perhaps. When I was working on a story and had some questions I couldn't ask either at home or of my friends' husbands I logged onto one of those adult friend sites. It was an experience and not necessarily a bad one. I worded my profile to make it known that I was curious and needed guidance. Yeah, I know. You can laugh all you want but it was effective once I weeded through the pigs. What I'll never understand is the guys who sent me photos of their parts that, fully erect, weren't all that much larger than my finger. Can anyone explain that to me? Were they wanting to provide me with a good laugh or what? Seriously, some of them were obviously very proud of their teeny weenies. Yep, confidence is a good thing to have, isn't it? Anyway, I managed to find some real people who I then explained my purpose to. I got the answers I needed.

A few months ago I filled out a Yahoo personals profile. You'll never guess who they sent me as my very first match. The transition guy who'd been such a bad experience. You better believe I deleted that one instantly. Actually it's kind of funny now but at the time it was just too much.

After that, I tried eharmony. Just the free profile part. I figured I'd sign up for real and pay the $60/month if they offered me someone I felt would be worth that much to get to know. There was no one even remotely interesting. I don't know where they find those couples on TV but I'll never be one of them.

I checked out a local singles type thing that's similar but this had the advantage of being able to communicate if a paying member contacted me. I did chat with a few. One man who keeps popping up I think has some sort of word limit. We'll chat and then he vanishes. Maybe he's flat out lying and is married or involved. Maybe he's just plain nuts. Don't know. Don't care. Not finding out.

There is another reputable site that I actually met a few people from. Wish I hadn't. Not the site's fault. Maybe you can explain this one to me too. Why do men think I want to hear all of their sexual encounters within five minutes of our meeting just because I write erotic romances? I am so much more than my books. A tip for any men who might be reading this or anyone who has a brother who's looking to date. That is just about the biggest turn off there is and a guaranteed way to end an evening early. Also it ensures there won't be a repeat. Talk about creepy!

What I find fascinating here is that I encountered the most interesting people on what is for all intents and purposes a sex site. The handful of men I ended up chatting with there understood that I am more than my writing. Oh sure, they were curious about it and asked questions as they were answering mine but they also seemed to want to know about the rest of me. They were willing to share some glimpses of their whole lives, not merely their sexual experiences and remember, those were the ones I asked for. I heard about their jobs, their friends, what they do for entertainment, what sports teams they follow, some told me about their families. You know what I mean, real life stuff. They just happened to fill out the questionairre that had a box for when they don't currently have a partner for sex, masturbation would do instead of the one for how they don't like people who fly off the handle on a regular basis. I'm not altogether convinced one is more meaningful than the other.

I'm open to suggestions of how to meet people. I would like someone to hang out and do things with on occasion. Even though I'm perfectly capable of heading out and about on my own it would be nice sometimes to not have to. Where would you look if you were in my shoes?


Sandra Cox said...

My first thought would have been e harmony. One of the men I work with met his wife through e. I believe there's supposed to be one out there for animal lovers......

Molly Daniels said...

I got hit on at the shoe store the other day. Until they guy realized I had 3 kids, not just one!

Got your sticky notes:) Thank you!

Amarinda Jones said...

Honestly? Don't know? I am personally not looking. But you have hightlighted a big probelm that is out there - you know this would make a great article - lengthened - for Lady Jaided mag

Smut Girl said...

wow. I have no idea. But like sandra, my first thought was e harmony. Hmm. That possibly could be very good advertising on their part. It certainly couldn't be worse than the bar scene, could it? ((says Sommer who met her husband at the local pub)) But that's my vote. If I were to find myself suddenly single, I would try e harmony. There. I sait it. And it's true. I would.

Good luck. YOu are too damn nice and funny not to snag someone equally nice and funny. And handsome. And ((fingers crossed)) hung. NO teenie weenies! NO TW need apply. right?

Regina Carlysle said...

I haven't a clue, Barb, but wish I did. If my marriage ended, through divorce or death, I would never remarry. EVER. Maybe I'm just past the point of caring whether or not there's a man in my life. But in your case, I would think the loops would be a good place since you're probably on the computer a lot. Sure, you'll meet some guys who'll wanna send penis pics but you could get lucky. I think, sometimes, it's easier to get to know someone on line.

barbara huffert said...

AJ, it would make a good article if I had solid recommendations that worked to offer.

I think for now, I'm not going to worry about it. Isn't that when things supposedly happen anyway?

Anny Cook said...

Perhaps just be open to possibilities... and I hate to say it but you can't do that from home. Do the things that interest you and if you meet someone while doing those things at least you'll have something in common.