Monday, April 25, 2011


I was nice. I took the mommy to the grocery store. No, not on rollerblades. I tossed her out and picked her up at the door which saved her hiking across the parking lot twice. I know why she wouldn’t send me with a list. She bought all sorts of things that I wouldn’t have. Twinkies. Ew. Yeah, I know. I don’t have to eat them so what’s the big deal? Doesn’t matter. She reads ingredients on everything else, worrying about chemical content and then buys Twinkies.

I made a rather interesting discovery while at the store. Weis Kings in Oley. Yes, you need to know that because of what I’m about to tell you. Since I was there and not permitted to comment on her selections, I wandered and looked around. Guess what they sell in the frozen food section. Bet you can’t. Are you ready?

Handcuffs. Metal ones. Really, they do! As I said, in with frozen foods. Of course. Where else would you put them? While the mommy was checking out I simply had to ask. The baby boy cashier’s explanation – The snow people who live in the freezer come out at night and use them while playing cops and robbers.

Speaking of living in freezers, the weather today is doing a damn good impersonation of summer. What’s the opposite of a sauna? Whatever it is I need one. No, two. One at home and one at work. Hey, here’s an idea. I’ll build a portable one, pretty wood like saunas only with metal benches to relax on, and tow it around behind Howie. Then, whenever my head starts to hurt, I can crawl inside until I’m cold enough for it to stop.

I hate summer! Well, except for the pretty flowers. And all the local fruit and veggies. Hmm, maybe instead of a room I need some sort of suit. But not bulky, like a space suit. Just something to keep me cold instead of warm. Forget saunas, what’s the opposite of neoprene?

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