Wednesday, July 23, 2008

You Know You're Getting Old When...

The term ma’am is routinely used instead of miss.

You don’t leave home without your magnifying glass.

You pull down the skin from your chin and it wobbles like a turkey wattle instead of snapping back into place.

You need to have your hair colored more often than your husband uses the weed whacker.

Your laugh lines show long after you stop smiling.

Your teenaged daughter asks for your body glitter instead of buying more of her own because she is that positive you’ll never wear it again.

You flash the pizza boy and then can’t decide if he’s stuttering because of the view or because you’re old enough to be his mother.

Your arms aren’t long enough to be able to read the paper you’re holding.

You and your friends are out and have repeated the same conversation so often without realizing it that the waitress can fill in the blanks for you when you forget.

You purchase diapers for yourself instead of your kids.

The last box of maxi-pads you bought is covered in dust because it’s been that long since you used any.

You can sing along with songs on the radio station your kids listen to because you remember the original versions.

Your kids’ friends all think you’ve lost your mind because you tell them the movie they just saw used to be a popular Saturday morning cartoon.

All your date movies are now being shown on American Movie Classics oldies nights.

Your husband now counts the colored hairs on your head instead of the gray ones.

Your husband is down to one single strand of hair that is now 8 miles long when unfurled from the top of his otherwise bald head.

All your clothes are back in style for the third time.

Tour de France Update -
Winner Stage 17, July 23 - Sastre, Spain
Overall Leader - Sastre, Spain
Cadel Evans is 4th, down by 1 minute 34 seconds


Sandra Cox said...

Loved it:)

Neeley said...

I can't tell you the last time I heard "miss" except from rude teenagers who can't bother to call their teachers by a title and last name. =/ I still don't think I qualify for the type of old this is talking about though. ;)

Very funny!

Ashley Ladd said...

I hate being called "ma'am".

About a third of these apply to me so far. Especially the one about my arms not being long enough. I went from better than 20-20 vision five years or so ago to needing bifocals now or I can't begin to read.

At least hubby still has a full head of dark brown hair and my hair only has a couple strands of gray without coloring it.

Amarinda Jones said...

actually 'ma'am' always cracks me up.

And yeah - I'm all those things and more

Dakota Rebel said...

I got carded for cigarettes one day and after showing my ID to the man-child clerk he apologized profusely.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, I didn't realize how old you were."

Funny, neither did I until he told me.


Anika Hamilton said...

I especially loved the last one.


Kelly Kirch said...

Perfect! And some of those sounded awfully familiar. ;)