Monday, May 26, 2008

New Political Study


Today's news is even weirder than yesterday's.

The politcal analysts were tired of doing the same old age/gender/income studies so they opted to focus on food instead. It's been determined that those who prefer ketchup, a red, aggressive, war-like condiment on their burgers and dogs at picnics today will be more likely to vote Republican in the upcoming election than those who choose mustard, a yellow, passive, low-key condiment.

Oh. Okay. I see. But what this group of experts either didn't bother to take into account or decided not to report was the inclination of those individuals who like the combined taste. And what about relish-eaters? Where do they fit into this scheme? How about cheese? Spicy, brown mustard as opposed to bland yellow? Onions? Very shoddy work, I think. If we're going to spend money on such things I want a thorough study, not a half-assed, non-comprehensive one. There is much more out there than your standard ketchup and mustard.

Even so, today as your picnicking with your friends and family, take a look around and see if there's any basis for their findings. Does overbearing Aunt Matilda use ketchup? Mustard for mellow Uncle Howie? Both for your bipolar buddy, Brandon? Let us know what you observe.

5 comments:

Amarinda Jones said...

Oh for god sake - I think we all know why 'anal' is in the first part of analyst

Anny Cook said...

For the record... I like ketchup but most of the time I really would rather have mayo. So stick that in your burger and chew on it for a while...

PS: I believe the ballots should include a "NONE OF THE ABOVE" choice.

barbara huffert said...

I couldn't agree more Anny. This election is down right scary.

Molly Daniels said...

Wasn't there a movie in which someone ran on the ballot as 'none of the above'? Or am I thinking of the Richard Pryor one where he had to spend a million dollars in a year to inherit it?

LynTaylor said...

Wonder what that says for those who opt for 'The Lot'.