Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Things I See

Without even leaving home. Wondering, aren’t you?

I went out in my yard today. That’s it. Less than twenty feet from my back door, no further, but it was still an interesting day to say the least. I was out for two reasons. First, I needed to do the fine weeding. Last time I pulled the major weeds and dead plants. This time I had to get all the little things that cluster at the base of the strawberry plants that are slowly conquering the entire yard. Fine with me. Even though strawberries aren’t my favorite there’s still something about going out, standing there and biting into a succulent, ruby red berry freshly plucked, warm from the sun.

Second, I needed the other half of my summer hair. I already had it cut so in another week or two it will fluff again and I’ll like it. But it’s still winter dark and that just won’t do. Yes, I know, I could go and have it colored so it was the same all year round but I don’t want to. Personally, I don’t mind the gray that’s starting. It’s part of life. But I do mind the rest when it looks flat and drab which means even though I hate summer I still spend some time out in it to get that sun-kissed look. It doesn’t take long and I’m very pale so my skin gets a nice, pink glow to it to go along with the lightened hair, both of which make my eyes seem just a little bluer.

Boring, right? A nothing day, necessary but not something I should be bothering you with. Ah but there was so much more to it than that. It began with a butterfly ménage. Or perhaps they were moths. I really don’t know and it doesn’t matter. They were soft yellow and beautiful as they flitted above my head, circling each other in their dance of foreplay. They’d dart here and there then go back to circling. Spectacular and eventually frenzied. I don’t know exactly how she chose between them but the one not picked dropped out and settled on the iris spike not three inches from my head. I froze and sat with him as he regrouped, wings slowly opening and closing, until he was ready to move on with a sigh. From me, that is. Okay, maybe from him as well.

After a bit more weeding I heard a ruckus by the fence a few feet away. Looking, I discovered a pair of huge bumble bees, fully involved. You know the ones I mean, the big black and yellow ones that hover around, ignoring you if you ignore them. And yes, by fully involved I mean just that, fully involved. Bees having hot gorilla sex. Rambunctious as hell, let me tell you. Amazing, to say the least. Didn’t last long, or it seemed that way to me. Maybe to the bees it was an eternity. All I know is when they were through they were both staggering. He buzzed away and promptly fell off of the leaf he attempted to land on. She took a minute to collect herself, rearranging her tussled wings, only to crash into the fence post when she tried to alight, that’s how erratic her flight was. I wonder if I can work the phrase boiling bumble bee sex into the book I’m working on. I wonder if my editor will let me get away with it if I do. Ah, I suspect the sound I just heard was her groaning half way around the world so perhaps not.

The last bit of entertainment I had was provided by the neighbors two houses away. I heard some shrieking, followed by a door banging and looked over to see a woman in the yard, wrists duct taped behind her back. She was laughing so I merely watched and stayed put. Hey, she saw me too and could easily have asked for assistance had she needed it. She didn’t. I smiled. She smiled. And then she went back inside. Obviously no problem there.

So that was my day. Yep, plenty of excitement around my house. What did you do?


Molly Daniels said...

Nearly fell off my chair laughing at the bee sex! Thanks for brightening up my weekend:)

Hahaha...WV is 'booser'

Anny Cook said...

Oh, yeah. I loved that. Nothing that exciting going on at my house.

Hani said...

i really enjoyed this, you have a flair for making the 'everyday' so intriguing. Mmmm fresh picked berries, are you in Oregon?