Ever have one of those days when you just feel irreparably broken? With the amount of turmoil I've endured the last year it's surprising I don't feel this way all the time. In an eggshell, I was reorganized out of a company I'd worked at for almost 23 years - a good thing as it turns out. I extracted myself from a very bad 15 year relationship - a good thing in numerous ways but with so many scars. I've heard he's now out on bail awaiting a court hearing for stealing from the place he worked. Does that mean I shouldn't take it personally that he stole from me since he was stealing elsewhere too? I became a published author - a good yet surreal thing. I got a new job that is so totally different it's as if I fall down the rabbit hole over and over again - a good thing.
So with all the good turmoil, why am I so broken and what set me off this time? The broken part is easy. Everything that came before the major changes took a severe toll on me. What set me off is also easy. I once again trusted the wrong individual. Will I never learn? Yes, perhaps this time I have. Perhaps this time I'll finally accept that I'm not meant to share all I am. A terrible shame that as I'm one hell of a woman once you get past my defenses. Of course it's very unlikely that anyone will ever manage to do that ever again.
Interesting that I choose to write erotic romances, isn't it? Oh I have plenty of ideas for other things too. It's just not time for them yet. I'll get to it. Now I know what you're thinking...those that can do, those that can't write. Wrong! I'm speaking for me only here. In the last year I've met many fellow authors living their own happily-ever-afters. And I love that for them. It's just not for me and high time I stop trying to force something that's not meant to be.
Yes, I'm broken today. But I have a secret weapon that all the king's horses and all the king's men didn't. Cats. Cats with incredible restorative powers. They purr and nudge their furry little faces against mine and it's impossible to stay down for very long. So today I'm Humpty Dumpty. Tomorrow who knows? I may just wake up feeling like Ariel experiencing all the wonders of dry land on her own two feet the first time.
So with all the good turmoil, why am I so broken and what set me off this time? The broken part is easy. Everything that came before the major changes took a severe toll on me. What set me off is also easy. I once again trusted the wrong individual. Will I never learn? Yes, perhaps this time I have. Perhaps this time I'll finally accept that I'm not meant to share all I am. A terrible shame that as I'm one hell of a woman once you get past my defenses. Of course it's very unlikely that anyone will ever manage to do that ever again.
Interesting that I choose to write erotic romances, isn't it? Oh I have plenty of ideas for other things too. It's just not time for them yet. I'll get to it. Now I know what you're thinking...those that can do, those that can't write. Wrong! I'm speaking for me only here. In the last year I've met many fellow authors living their own happily-ever-afters. And I love that for them. It's just not for me and high time I stop trying to force something that's not meant to be.
Yes, I'm broken today. But I have a secret weapon that all the king's horses and all the king's men didn't. Cats. Cats with incredible restorative powers. They purr and nudge their furry little faces against mine and it's impossible to stay down for very long. So today I'm Humpty Dumpty. Tomorrow who knows? I may just wake up feeling like Ariel experiencing all the wonders of dry land on her own two feet the first time.
6 comments:
Horses can't fix anything. But cats purr in your ear; they won't tell your secrets; and they keep your lap (and neck?) warm as they snuggle with you:)
God loves you and so do I!
Blessings on ya kid. We love you and someday you'll find the one. Until then we'll have to fill in!
"Perhaps this time I'll finally accept that I'm not meant to share all I am." Hey you, the guy you thought you could trust was clearly a prick and undeserving of you. So you had another false start. Do not give up on the right man coming into your life. Be patient, breathe, relax and he will come...you know I am never wrong...and you can also fix broken with superglue. I've been doing it for years. Soldier on B. The best is yet to come
Oh Sweetie,
I'm so sorry you had an asshat fall into your path. You deserve so much more. In the meanwhile, snuggle your Mouse - he and the other boys love you and so do we.
Hey Barb, I'm so sorry someone betrayed your trust. I've had the same thing recently...It's so painful. Major hugs to you.
Thank you ladies! I know I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again. You really are the best. I'm working on getting mad and staying mad. It hurts less that way and honestly, the anger is justified.
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